About jenny919 : I like turtles
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Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26824) - you deserved it (6523)
On 09/10/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by ginny (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each others company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14139) - you deserved it (3056)
On 09/08/2009 at 9:26pm - intimacy - by awkwardbf (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was going to work and got in the elevator. I was going through my bag for my phone and asked the man in the elevator to push the button for me. He gave me a look of death before I realized he had no arms. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34114) - you deserved it (9347)
On 09/02/2009 at 9:01am - work - by elevatorjerk - United States
Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21859) - you deserved it (36773)
On 08/30/2009 at 4:17pm - animals - by lily (woman) - United States (California)
Today, we had bingo. Three rounds into it a group behind me started to yell, "BINGO, BINGO!". I looked around and saw no one was coming to verify that they had a bingo, so I turned around and said "Stand up." The girl was a midget, she was standing up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28301) - you deserved it (11721)
On 08/26/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid. After a long day of preperation and cooking I asked them what they thought of it. My 12 year old son then says, "I would say it tastes like shit but not even shit tastes this bad!" My wife then laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31881) - you deserved it (3893)
On 08/22/2009 at 2:29am - kids - by NoCookForYou (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid. After a long day of preperation and cooking I asked them what they thought of it. My 12 year old son then says, "I would say it tastes like shit but not even shit tastes this bad!" My wife then laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31881) - you deserved it (3893)
On 08/22/2009 at 2:29am - kids - by NoCookForYou (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40105) - you deserved it (123095)
On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I saw my wife pick her nose and suck on her fingers. We're 38. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34144) - you deserved it (4349)
On 08/20/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by GroosedOut (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11018) - you deserved it (50229)
On 08/18/2009 at 9:13pm - love - by litterbox_girl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. After about 10 minutes, when we change positions, he shouts: "Power Rangers - Transform!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (50639) - you deserved it (9073)
On 08/18/2009 at 7:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I bought a freezer mug that looks like it's full of water. I've been playing tricks on my friends by throwing the empty cup at them. After doing this a few dozen times, my 83 year-old mother came to visit. I played the same trick on her. The joke's on me. My Dad filled the cup. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6135) - you deserved it (47185)
On 08/13/2009 at 3:27am - misc - by oldtexas (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45904) - you deserved it (15273)
On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43481) - you deserved it (5205)
On 08/07/2009 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by piratequeen (woman) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (96175) - you deserved it (3050)
On 08/05/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom
Friday 24 May 2013
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