About jenny919 : I like turtles
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Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16681) - you deserved it (2683)
On 01/09/2011 at 1:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, I got to listen to my younger brother have sex with a girl while I sat in my room playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17788) - you deserved it (31223)
On 01/08/2011 at 2:01am - intimacy - by Username - United States
Today, my boyfriend decided to re-enact a scene from Family Guy. He locked me in the car with him and farted deadly ones repeatedly. He wouldn't let me out until I learned to "love the gas." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31803) - you deserved it (6157)
On 01/04/2011 at 3:09pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Reserved
Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36716) - you deserved it (4115)
On 01/04/2011 at 5:56am - intimacy - by LoveMyNewBro -
Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30754) - you deserved it (4711)
On 12/19/2010 at 7:23pm - intimacy - by hotmommy -
Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18773) - you deserved it (15979)
On 12/14/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
I agree, your life sucks (33531) - you deserved it (8033)
On 12/13/2010 at 12:35pm - intimacy - by Wisconsin love - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to see more of his passionate side. He pushed my head down towards his lap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19606) - you deserved it (9625)
On 11/23/2010 at 1:50am - intimacy - by Username -
Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5376) - you deserved it (44655)
On 11/10/2010 at 12:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31995) - you deserved it (5420)
On 11/09/2010 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by single (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25226) - you deserved it (4138)
On 11/08/2010 at 5:55am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time in four months since our baby was born, that I could really enjoy it. After we finished up we walked into the livingroom, where my white faced brother was sitting. He said we left the baby monitor on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9900) - you deserved it (27577)
On 11/02/2010 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs tv room. Just as he was about to cum I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door just as he came. Didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8781) - you deserved it (25957)
On 10/24/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by stickyface (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs tv room. Just as he was about to cum I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door just as he came. Didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8781) - you deserved it (25957)
On 10/24/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by stickyface (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, my girlfriend came over to me, like she was going to kiss me, and instead rubbed her chin all over my face, exclaiming, "Can you feel my beard coming in?" Yes, yes I could. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30493) - you deserved it (2844)
On 10/24/2010 at 12:11am - love - by altocrm - Sent from mobile version
Friday 24 May 2013
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