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jellybean_jack

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jellybean_jack

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jellybean_jack's favorite FMLs

Today, I called over my math teacher to ask a question. I have a really bad cold. I asked him about a problem and he reached over my desk to point at the diagram and explain it. Then I suddenly had to sneeze and I got tons of snot all over his hand and arm. FML

#2664358
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43783) - you deserved it (9268)

On 06/06/2009 at 4:16pm - health - by lft (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at a party, my three friends and I thought it would be fun to urinate in a jug. We dislike the neighbours, so decided to throw the contents of the jug over the fence into their garden. It hit a tree and splashed back. I ended up covered in our piss. FML

#2592984
379 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10897) - you deserved it (168487)

On 06/04/2009 at 6:38am - misc - by Unluggee (woman) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

#879478
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65230) - you deserved it (8531)

On 04/08/2009 at 11:43pm - animals - by BadBreath (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML

#771625
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64829) - you deserved it (11038)

On 04/02/2009 at 7:05pm - animals - by darlingditz (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

#553334
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70269) - you deserved it (7800)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:34pm - misc - by unloved (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML

#448904
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31354) - you deserved it (138265)

On 03/18/2009 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by Melaknee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML

#8687
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34224) - you deserved it (13278)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:29pm - animals - by EpicFail (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, the girl who I have had a crush on for 2 years snuck up from behind me and gave me a hug. I farted very loud at the same exact time. FML

#3168
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31627) - you deserved it (4390)

On 01/28/2009 at 6:02pm - love - by john - United States (Kansas)



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