Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

jellitonoctopus

Offline (the 06/20/2015 at 10:33pm) | Search for a member

jellitonoctopus

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3652
  • Number of comments : 162
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About jellitonoctopus : It all begins with a lighthouse.

jellitonoctopus's page activity

Visits<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 9:08pm<b>bethkelchner</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 10:39pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 10:23pm<b>TheTrainKid</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 10:15am<b>Jthewat</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 9:35am<b>pharm121</b> - the 12/06/2014 at 7:10pm<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 3:31pm<b>JOEBOBARNOLD</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 1:59am<b>PurpZilla</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 4:00am<b>bekkyisawesome</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 12:57pm<b>skyturtle</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 2:24am<b>Jarl_the_Elite</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 9:30pm<b>RainbowSkullfuck</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 2:17pm<b>Applesarefum</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 11:49am<b>coopchick</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 11:12am<b>lishabear</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 6:38am<b>loveexgirl</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 6:08am<b>Budderchook</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 9:39am

jellitonoctopus's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of jellitonoctopus's badges

jellitonoctopus's favorite FMLs

Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML

#18015213
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53637) - you deserved it (8340)

On 10/18/2011 at 1:34pm - intimacy - by Mini-wanker (man) - United States (New York)

Today, on my first day of being a trainee teacher in a classroom, I told a boy to stop using that stupid accent or else I'll give him a detention. Turns out he just moved here from Romania. FML

#18014852
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8752) - you deserved it (68970)

On 10/18/2011 at 12:08pm - kids - by KillMeNow (man) - United Kingdom (Sefton)

Today, while reading over my sent application email to a job I have been trying to get, I found out my brother had put "Heil Hitler!" as my signature. FML

#17996037
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37924) - you deserved it (5289)

On 10/16/2011 at 3:15am - work - by Unemployed - United States (Oregon)

Today, while reading over my sent application email to a job I have been trying to get, I found out my brother had put "Heil Hitler!" as my signature. FML

#17996037
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37924) - you deserved it (5289)

On 10/16/2011 at 3:15am - work - by Unemployed - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was watching my cousin shoot at targets on hay bales with his plastic pellet BB gun. After my sister asked him if it would hurt to be shot with one, my cousin smiled at her and said, "Ask your sister" as he shot me in the leg. I think my screaming was obvious enough. It hurts. FML

#17995977
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27105) - you deserved it (2881)

On 10/16/2011 at 3:06am - misc - by ThanksChris (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was kicked out of the mall along with a bunch of my friends, sworn at by the security guards, and personally escorted all the way to the sidewalk, only to find out we'd been mistaken for another group of people. FML

#17992397
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27614) - you deserved it (2219)

On 10/15/2011 at 7:40pm - misc - by -- - Canada (Quebec)

Today, it turns out that my hairy feet are the most memorable part about me. My family's named me "the hobbit". FML

#17991756
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22305) - you deserved it (3729)

On 10/15/2011 at 6:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I saw my boyfriend of a year kissing another girl. When I walked up to confront him about it, he tried to convince the other girl he didn't know who I was. FML

#17989698
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41280) - you deserved it (2986)

On 10/15/2011 at 1:05pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML

#17987492
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42758) - you deserved it (3519)

On 10/15/2011 at 3:18am - misc - by Ca13b - United States (Oregon)

Today, my balls were stepped on while I was taking a nap in the park. The man said he didn't see me lying there. I was wearing a neon orange jacket. FML

#17986528
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29727) - you deserved it (10988)

On 10/15/2011 at 12:33am - misc - by dak-rod423 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my students took my glasses, hid them from me, and called me a turtle when I squinted my eyes trying to look for them. This carried on for about 25 minutes. FML

#17980365
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27756) - you deserved it (3778)

On 10/14/2011 at 2:09am - kids - by TurtleTeacher (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he likes me is because I let him watch porn without throwing a fuss. FML

#17976289
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30572) - you deserved it (6608)

On 10/13/2011 at 5:30pm - intimacy - by serenti - Sweden

Today, I awoke to rose petals leading me to the front garden. Curious, I followed them, thinking my boyfriend planned something romantic. As I walked out the door, I was hit in the face with a paper plate full of whipped cream and sprinkles, and then locked outside. FML

#17975450
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30704) - you deserved it (3780)

On 10/13/2011 at 3:20pm - love - by Eet- (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, I got a speeding ticket while taking my drivers license test. FML

Today, I had to climb up and sit in a tree for half an hour to avoid being mauled by a huge, insane dog. Its weird-looking owner eventually turned up, sneered at me, and walked off with the visibly smug dog in tow. FML

#17974587
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22570) - you deserved it (2587)

On 10/13/2011 at 11:55am - animals - by Doglover - United Kingdom (Southampton)



FML's blog

  • Tania's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! How are you all doing? This week has been quite eventful for some people. Uber has been causing taxi drivers here and there to get their knickers in a twist, notable over here in France, which caused…

Friday 26 June 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: