Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

jellitonoctopus

Search for a member

jellitonoctopus
  • Town/Country : Los Angeles, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 8 October 1992 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 1957
  • Number of comments : 158
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About jellitonoctopus : Hey! Thanks for stopping by.
I like:
The Legend of Zelda
Pokémon
Final Fantasy
Tales of Vesperia
Animal Crossing
Nintendo
Xbox
Opossums
Salamanders
Beatles and other cute insects
Ocean life
Dental hygiene/ care
&YOU!

I dislike:
Weather that is hot and humid at the same time
People who mistake Link as Zelda
Dry skin
Eggplant
Pumpkin
Centipedes
& dust.


I usually browse FML on my iPhone, but feel free to message me. I do check my messages when I use my laptop.

BYE!!! :)

jellitonoctopus's last visitors

meepmerpladystateCloudBustahEdaPandaKitty19legendaryplyaHowAreYouTodayslick5880

jellitonoctopus's FML badges

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of jellitonoctopus's badges

jellitonoctopus's favorite FMLs

Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML

#18234448
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35196) - you deserved it (5504)

On 11/13/2011 at 1:53am - kids - by weswithaute - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend of five years was in a bad car crash, and ended up with a concussion. He didn't remember me. At all. But he remembered his other girlfriend he had cheated on me with for two months. FML

#18210187
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45793) - you deserved it (3343)

On 11/10/2011 at 1:22pm - love - by Nicoli - United States (Washington)

Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML

#18209782
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28371) - you deserved it (6754)

On 11/10/2011 at 12:07pm - animals - by Anonymous - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I got yelled at by my boss for being insensitive to a customer. I'd told her I never heard of the requested item even existing. She walked off shouting, screaming and throwing stuff from the shelf. She wanted to order a bird feeder with heated perches so the bird's feet won't get cold. FML

#18198042
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27205) - you deserved it (2148)

On 11/08/2011 at 11:06pm - work - by midwesternpetclerk - United States

Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML

#18191670
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35907) - you deserved it (3595)

On 11/08/2011 at 9:01am - kids - by possiblyoverweight (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I had botox injections to stop my face sweating so much. Now the sweat is almost gone, but my facial expression seems to be stuck on "baffled." FML

#18189475
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10190) - you deserved it (30941)

On 11/07/2011 at 11:41pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

#18167431
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22138) - you deserved it (3211)

On 11/05/2011 at 7:35pm - health - by Shelbs - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss. FML

#18163240
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35199) - you deserved it (4877)

On 11/05/2011 at 9:43am - health - by rj93 - United Kingdom (Ballymena)

Today, I was over at a friend's house for a party. I was trying to strike up a conversation with one of my cute guy friends, so I showed him this funny picture of me that my friend took. His reply was "Hahahaa those Fatbooth pictures are hilarious!" It wasn't a Fatbooth picture. FML

#18162827
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27263) - you deserved it (957)

On 11/05/2011 at 7:45am - misc - by sophhiee - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend sent me a sexy picture of herself in my boxers. I thought it would be funny to take a picture of myself in the thong she left in my room and send it to her. She thought it would be funnier on Facebook. FML

#18162397
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21187) - you deserved it (41758)

On 11/05/2011 at 3:25am - misc - by kdeeeceee - United States

Today, at work, my mouse cursor kept randomly moving all over the screen, and messed up an entire day's attempted work. As I was leaving, I overheard one of my co-workers saying he'd plugged a wireless mouse adapter into my computer, and had been trolling me all day. FML

#18156228
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31877) - you deserved it (3751)

On 11/04/2011 at 12:05pm - work - by tech_support (man) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, at work, my mouse cursor kept randomly moving all over the screen, and messed up an entire day's attempted work. As I was leaving, I overheard one of my co-workers saying he'd plugged a wireless mouse adapter into my computer, and had been trolling me all day. FML

#18156228
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31877) - you deserved it (3751)

On 11/04/2011 at 12:05pm - work - by tech_support (man) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, my dad asked if I'd help him clean the gutters. I was given the responsibility of holding the ladder while he went on the roof. All I heard was laughter before a year's worth of rotting vegetation landed on top of my head. FML

#18097462
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21466) - you deserved it (2405)

On 10/28/2011 at 4:59pm - misc - by Weldingtags (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML

#18095977
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22316) - you deserved it (4415)

On 10/28/2011 at 11:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Just as she took her shirt off, her phone rang. It was her mom demanding she return home. Now I've been cockblocked, and my girlfriend's mom seems to be a god damn clairvoyant. Awesome. FML

#18092758
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27246) - you deserved it (4957)

On 10/27/2011 at 10:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: