jellitonoctopus

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Offline (the 06/20/2015 at 10:33pm)

jellitonoctopus

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5765
  • Number of comments : 162
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About jellitonoctopus : It all begins with a lighthouse.

jellitonoctopus's page activity

Visits<b>Artures_way1</b> - the 10/09/2016 at 12:31am<b>smeegle</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 7:13pm<b>NarutoLove</b> - the 01/03/2016 at 8:52pm<b>super_ness</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 1:12am<b>soveryunoriginal</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 12:49am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 9:08pm<b>bethkelchner</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 10:39pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 10:23pm<b>TheTrainKid</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 10:15am<b>Jthewat</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 9:35am<b>pharm121</b> - the 12/06/2014 at 7:10pm<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 3:31pm<b>JOEBOBARNOLD</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 1:59am<b>PurpZilla</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 4:00am<b>bekkyisawesome</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 12:57pm<b>skyturtle</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 2:24am<b>Jarl_the_Elite</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 9:30pm<b>RainbowSkullfuck</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 2:17pm

Fucked!<b>NarutoLove</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 8:54am

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jellitonoctopus's favorite FMLs

Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML

by ThinZ / 12/23/2011 at 7:26pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while waiting for my train, I was listening to a voicemail message on my phone. Out of nowhere, a stranger came up to me from behind and screamed "DELETE!" into my ear. His voice command deleted my message. FML

by anna / 12/22/2011 at 4:25pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard my alarm go off, dragged myself out of bed, had breakfast and got ready for work. As I was heading out the door I checked the time again. It was 1:41 AM. Apparently my alarm never actually went off. FML

by 2285morgan / 12/15/2011 at 3:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I started to seductively kiss my girlfriend on the neck. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, "Yes, because I don't have to smell your breath." FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2011 at 2:00am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was out selling Christmas-themed calendars for charity door-to-door. I rang a doorbell and a wild-eyed man appeared at the door, shouted about being "on nights" and that I'd woken him up, called me a "bell end", threw a newspaper at me and slammed the door in my face. FML

by firemansam / 12/12/2011 at 6:36am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Miscellaneous

Today, our new boss showed up for his first day of work. I thought I'd seen it all, but he demands that we say "Hail to the King" every time he passes through the office. When I called HR about it, the guy on the other end told me to "man up and deal with it". FML

by Poorman / 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm / United Kingdom / Work

Today, my boyfriend insisted that the dog stay in our bedroom while we had sex. He said it would prove his dominance, and "show the dog who's boss." My boyfriend needs to prove his self-worth to an animal. FML

by HBC / 12/10/2011 at 2:23am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I've gained weight. He replied, "Why do you think I've been so often on top lately?" FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2011 at 10:41pm / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML

by preggers / 11/30/2011 at 9:57am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML

by chunkymonkey / 11/23/2011 at 6:54pm / Health

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I was involved in a car accident and hit my head on the dash. I now have huge, very sore knot on my head. My boyfriend now takes every opportunity to poke it and scream "Look! A baby unicorn!" FML

by southernpride93 / 11/18/2011 at 10:26am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML

by MY CAR / 11/14/2011 at 11:51pm / United States (California) / Animals