About jellitonoctopus : It all begins with a lighthouse.
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jellitonoctopus's favorite FMLs
by Shameful / 01/18/2012 at 2:57pm / United States (Alabama) / Health
Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML
by harshdoobie / 01/18/2012 at 10:18am / Canada / Health
Today, when I excitedly announced to my mother-in-law that I was pregnant, she looked at me with a blank expression and asked me who the father was. She's 45. She's not senile or suffering from dementia, but apparently just suffering from being a chronic bitch. FML
by littlelottie / 01/17/2012 at 12:04pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/17/2012 at 1:43am / United States (Georgia) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/16/2012 at 10:19pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML
by haggisbowl / 01/14/2012 at 1:52am / United States / Intimacy
Today, after a hard day on the wards as a trainee doctor, I went home and started getting frisky with my girlfriend. All I could think about was the anatomical names for what I was touching and doing. I felt physically sick. FML
by doctorsandnurses / 01/13/2012 at 5:47am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Intimacy
by nevasurprised / 01/10/2012 at 9:50am / Germany / Work
by Anonymous / 12/31/2011 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Animals
by KrissyBearr / 12/30/2011 at 8:36pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
by Kevin / 12/29/2011 at 2:32pm / France / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/28/2011 at 12:26am / United States / Love
by Anonymoose / 12/25/2011 at 6:39am / Switzerland (Zurich) / Animals
Today, I was awoken by my wife, once again. It seems that whenever I stop snoring, she thinks I died so she has to wake me to make sure I'm still living. She does this almost every night, every hour. FML
by Sleep Deprived / 12/25/2011 at 12:27am / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML
by unwanted / 12/23/2011 at 9:24pm / United States (Florida) / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…