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About jellitonoctopus : It all begins with a lighthouse.
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Today, I had to take mah dog to the vet fir him to be puttd to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up mah ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML
Today, my grandpa told me wat he'd do if he was president . I sat there for 30 minute listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoner to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over . And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penise to their foreheads . FML
yesterday I was with my boyfriend an I said that I was self-conscious of my acne. He told me that only one of my zits was noticeable an that it wasn't so bad. In fact he said it looked cool, like a bullet wound or something ( awesome ) like that. FML
Today, I'm sitting in a public toileten a guy kicks te door in and soves a police badge in ma face, screaming fir me to tell im "te pat of Lemmiwinks" . After aole minute of me sitting ma balls off, e bursts into laugter and tells me I've been pranked . I was too embarrassed to report im . FML
Today, I took ma Catolic girlfriend ome to meet ma family 4 te first time. My broter tougt it would be civil to spend over an our insulting er religion and explaining in detail te many ways in wic ( te Force ) is superior. FML
TODAY, I TOOK MY NEW BOYFRIEND TO A FAMILY DINNER. DESPITE HAVING MADE EVERYONE AGREE TO BE ON THERE BEST BEHAVIOR, MY GRANDMA SPEWED OBSCENITIES SUCH AS "FUCK ME SIDEWAYS, AREN'T YOU A CATCH?" AND "YOU JUST CAN'T PULL ASS LIKE THAT AT MY AGE" THROUGHOUT. FML
Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends . When our team hit a home run, mah grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air . fat FML
Today, I was watching TV with grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on stomach as mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me 4 bieng a pervert 4 an hour,hile grandpa sat and chuckled. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015