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jellitonoctopus

Offline (the 02/18/2015 at 6:03pm) | Search for a member

jellitonoctopus

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3215
  • Number of comments : 162
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About jellitonoctopus : It all begins with a lighthouse.

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jellitonoctopus's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to take mah dog to the vet fir him to be puttd to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up mah ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

#17586114
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31609) - you deserved it (5455)

On 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, life gave me lemons, delivering them straight to nuts via nieghbor's tenni ball shooter. FML

#17573986
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24417) - you deserved it (2356)

On 08/25/2011 at 12:24am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my grandpa told me wat he'd do if he was president . I sat there for 30 minute listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoner to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over . And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penise to their foreheads . FML

#17556947
408 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31305) - you deserved it (5804)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States

yesterday I was with my boyfriend an I said that I was self-conscious of my acne. He told me that only one of my zits was noticeable an that it wasn't so bad. In fact he said it looked cool, like a bullet wound or something ( awesome ) like that. FML

#17544158
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26413) - you deserved it (4822)

On 08/22/2011 at 12:58am - health - by collball22 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend told me he looool wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed an got crumbs in it!! FML

#17543334
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17077) - you deserved it (32828)

On 08/21/2011 at 11:44pm - intimacy - by datingmrpicky (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I'm sitting in a public toileten a guy kicks te door in and soves a police badge in ma face, screaming fir me to tell im "te pat of Lemmiwinks" . After aole minute of me sitting ma balls off, e bursts into laugter and tells me I've been pranked . I was too embarrassed to report im . FML

#17522944
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28287) - you deserved it (3794)

On 08/19/2011 at 8:23pm - misc - by shitless88 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took ma Catolic girlfriend ome to meet ma family 4 te first time. My broter tougt it would be civil to spend over an our insulting er religion and explaining in detail te many ways in wic ( te Force ) is superior. FML

#17521930
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28192) - you deserved it (5154)

On 08/19/2011 at 6:36pm - love - by Jace - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, Soma Cops Cama To Housa Saying That Tha Naighbor Thought Tha Party I Was Having Was Too Loud An Obnoxious!! It Was Grandmothar's 86 Birthday Party!! FML

#17400862
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27717) - you deserved it (2558)

On 08/07/2011 at 9:49pm - misc - by Paul - United States (Massachusetts)

TODAY, I TOOK MY NEW BOYFRIEND TO A FAMILY DINNER. DESPITE HAVING MADE EVERYONE AGREE TO BE ON THERE BEST BEHAVIOR, MY GRANDMA SPEWED OBSCENITIES SUCH AS "FUCK ME SIDEWAYS, AREN'T YOU A CATCH?" AND "YOU JUST CAN'T PULL ASS LIKE THAT AT MY AGE" THROUGHOUT. FML

#17381048
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30587) - you deserved it (3820)

On 08/05/2011 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by moonstone15 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends . When our team hit a home run, mah grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air . fat FML

#17026293
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29967) - you deserved it (5178)

On 07/08/2011 at 9:24am - misc - by Username - United States

Today , mah boss's cat died. I'm expected to attend the service. FML

#16477855
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30947) - you deserved it (4008)

On 06/03/2011 at 12:47am - work - by whymyliferose - United States (Oregon)

­Today , My Dog Decidd To Fly Through The Front Door Like Superman!! All 180lb Of Her Promptly Slammd Sideway Into The Wall , Putting A Dog-sizd Hole In The Plaster!! FML

#15726248
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27125) - you deserved it (3540)

On 04/10/2011 at 3:32pm - animals - by a man - United States (Tennessee)

yesterday I found out my cat looool is allergic to ME. No kidding. FML

#15703815
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32490) - you deserved it (3918)

On 04/09/2011 at 1:32am - animals - by blehhx - United States

Today, Mah 400 Pound Roommata Brought Homa A 400 Pound Guy. Now Thara's 800 Pounds Of Sax Going On In Tha Naxt Room, And It Sounds Lyk Tha Invasion Of Normandy In Thara. FML

#14835077
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70066) - you deserved it (6586)

On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was watching TV with grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on stomach as mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me 4 bieng a pervert 4 an hour,hile grandpa sat and chuckled. mega FML

#13180631
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36098) - you deserved it (4115)

On 09/24/2010 at 6:22am - misc - by Andrew - United States (Indiana)



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