About jellitonoctopus : It all begins with a lighthouse.
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jellitonoctopus's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/01/2011 at 2:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/01/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML
by MJjunior / 08/31/2011 at 12:04pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/31/2011 at 10:23am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Intimacy
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 1:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by bunkbed / 08/30/2011 at 12:45pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
by Zolesz96 / 08/30/2011 at 12:39pm / Hungary (Jasz-Nagykun-Szolnok) / Miscellaneous
Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML
by gofixmyhead / 08/30/2011 at 10:53am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous
by Stan / 08/29/2011 at 5:19pm / United States (California) / Health
by anonymous / 08/29/2011 at 2:47pm / United States (New York) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/28/2011 at 7:29am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML
by Anonymous / 08/27/2011 at 6:59pm / United States (Arkansas) / Animals
by sad child / 08/27/2011 at 3:45am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, while waiting for a doctors appointment, my husband started playing angry birds. Continually losing the game ended up raising his blood pressure to the point where he now has to have his medication changed. The new medication is $100 copay. FML
by Username / 08/26/2011 at 8:20pm / United States / Health
Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm / United States / Animals
- 1Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…