About jellitonoctopus : Hey! Thanks for stopping by.
I like:
The Legend of Zelda
Pokémon
Final Fantasy
Tales of Vesperia
Animal Crossing
Nintendo
Xbox
Opossums
Salamanders
Beatles and other cute insects
Ocean life
Dental hygiene/ care
&YOU!
I dislike:
Weather that is hot and humid at the same time
People who mistake Link as Zelda
Dry skin
Eggplant
Pumpkin
Centipedes
& dust.
I usually browse FML on my iPhone, but feel free to message me. I do check my messages when I use my laptop.
BYE!!! :)
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
Judgmental
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Today, I was in my car with my window down at a red light. Outside, a sweet old lady was sitting on a bench with her dog sleeping next to her. I yelled out the window to tell her how cute her dog was. She replied, "He's dead" and cried. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25826) - you deserved it (3682)
On 09/01/2011 at 10:29pm - animals - by macattack (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29382) - you deserved it (3956)
On 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm - misc - by mannydanny (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)
Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26804) - you deserved it (2671)
On 09/01/2011 at 2:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, while working in my pharmacy, a patient told me that he sometimes wants to jump the counter and skin me alive. He has no more refills, and his doctor is out of town for the week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21340) - you deserved it (1175)
On 09/01/2011 at 2:22am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34155) - you deserved it (8525)
On 08/31/2011 at 12:04pm - kids - by MJjunior (man) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20898) - you deserved it (7793)
On 08/31/2011 at 10:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16164) - you deserved it (8363)
On 08/30/2011 at 1:35pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21634) - you deserved it (2424)
On 08/30/2011 at 12:45pm - kids - by bunkbed - Canada (Alberta)
Today, in a queue to the ATM, a hot girl was standing in front of me. The girl's boyfriend grabbed her ass. She turned around and slapped me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25869) - you deserved it (1826)
On 08/30/2011 at 12:39pm - misc - by Zolesz96 (man) - Hungary (Jasz-Nagykun-Szolnok)
Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15859) - you deserved it (3023)
On 08/30/2011 at 10:53am - misc - by gofixmyhead (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)
Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22384) - you deserved it (6490)
On 08/29/2011 at 5:19pm - health - by Stan - United States (California)
Today, my mother-in-law told my husband that I cannot stay in her house unless I can bring proof from a doctor that my allergy to cats is not contagious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20987) - you deserved it (1495)
On 08/29/2011 at 2:47pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10974) - you deserved it (27068)
On 08/28/2011 at 7:29am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23130) - you deserved it (1824)
On 08/27/2011 at 6:59pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)
Today, I went to my doctor for a check-up. It started with the doctor lifting my shirt up to check my heartbeat, and ended with my gran starting a fistfight over his "perverted ways." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21580) - you deserved it (1972)
On 08/27/2011 at 3:45am - health - by sad child - United States (New York)
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
