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jellitonoctopus

Offline (the 06/20/2015 at 10:33pm) | Search for a member

jellitonoctopus

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3662
  • Number of comments : 162
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About jellitonoctopus : It all begins with a lighthouse.

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jellitonoctopus's favorite FMLs

Today, after five long years of having been together, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to take our relationship to the "next level". We now have a Sims relationship. FML

#17814910
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29234) - you deserved it (4486)

On 09/23/2011 at 6:24pm - love - by Anonymous - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I called in sick to work for a second day. After months of my boss trying to get me sacked by spreading vicious rumors about me, taunting me into retaliating, and generally making my life a living hell, he finally got his chance. He sent me a text saying, "yeh dont bother son ure fuckin fired." FML

#17812513
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29518) - you deserved it (3179)

On 09/23/2011 at 10:48am - work - by sick of life - United States (New York)

Today, I was sent home from work early because of structural issues. I walked in on my unemployed boyfriend cuddling another woman on the couch. When I confronted them, he freaked out and kept trying to convince me that I was dreaming. I don't know what I ever saw in this loser. FML

#17811701
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39078) - you deserved it (4349)

On 09/23/2011 at 7:04am - love - by alone - China

Today, my professor snapped and told me that I know nothing, that everything I've ever learned is wrong, and that all of my former teachers should be shot. FML

#17804951
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28223) - you deserved it (4583)

On 09/22/2011 at 2:36pm - misc - by failure (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML

#17804302
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25965) - you deserved it (15531)

On 09/22/2011 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realize that my boyfriend's breath quite literally smells like a sewer. It wouldn't be so bad, except that he tries to kiss me about every ten minutes, and I have to hold my breath. FML

#17785422
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26827) - you deserved it (8076)

On 09/20/2011 at 12:26am - love - by PookaKay02 - United States

Today, my mom made me teach my delusional gran web browsing. I barely made it to YouTube before she sneered at me, and told me to "stop pissing about before I smash your face in." Two hours and multiple slaps later, she still doesn't get what a URL is, and I fear for my life. FML

#17783230
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26220) - you deserved it (2776)

On 09/19/2011 at 8:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a violent allergic reaction to some bread I ate at a restaurant. How did they apologize? By sending me a free basket of bread. FML

#17782998
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31249) - you deserved it (2967)

On 09/19/2011 at 8:21pm - health - by Eli (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
431 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56621) - you deserved it (5590)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. Instead of the usual excuses, he panicked and claimed he was my boyfriend's long-lost twin brother. He even tried to put on a fake accent. FML

#17779668
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40198) - you deserved it (3488)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:26am - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

#17767423
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31998) - you deserved it (8565)

On 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm - kids - by awesomekidsmum - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my wife and three daughters all have their period on seperate weeks. I now have no break from yelling. FML

#17761753
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39530) - you deserved it (4713)

On 09/17/2011 at 12:39am - misc - by thedeerman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my wife and three daughters all have their period on seperate weeks. I now have no break from yelling. FML

#17761753
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39530) - you deserved it (4713)

On 09/17/2011 at 12:39am - misc - by thedeerman (man) - United States (California)

Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML

#17757588
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26166) - you deserved it (1719)

On 09/16/2011 at 12:20pm - work - by Help - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while teaching my high school class about astronomy, I showed them a picture of earth from space. One girl raised her hand, and asked me what the "white things" were. In other words, clouds. FML

#17757259
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24594) - you deserved it (2653)

On 09/16/2011 at 10:42am - kids - by Smart - United States



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