About jellitonoctopus : It all begins with a lighthouse.
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jellitonoctopus's favorite FMLs
Today, after getting dumped by my boyfriend, I tried to find comfort in one of my closest friends. He embraced me while I struggled against tears, and after a few moments of silence said, "Hey, you know what? I would fuck you anytime. Anytime." FML
by scewable / 10/13/2011 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, it's my birthday. I asked everyone for iTunes money, pleased to finally be able to buy some new songs for my iPod. After receiving several gift cards, I discovered that my iPod had been stolen. FML
by ipodless / 10/12/2011 at 8:47pm / United States (California) / Money
by omgreally91 / 10/12/2011 at 7:39pm / United States / Health
by anon / 10/11/2011 at 7:52am / United States / Work
Today, in the middle of explaining over the phone to my crush how I felt about him, I got a text from his best friend, who was apparently with him at the time. It said, "He doesn't like you, get over it. Stop rambling." FML
by poopooppachuu / 10/11/2011 at 3:32am / United States (California) / Love
by nodad / 10/11/2011 at 12:52am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I let a guy I like look at my phone. A second later I remembered I had a secret copy of his Facebook profile picture on there to show a friend what he looked like. I was forced to tackle him to get my phone back. FML
by Emily S / 10/09/2011 at 1:17am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 8:24pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
by anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 4:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by Cassidy / 10/08/2011 at 12:01pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 11:36am / Sri Lanka / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML
by ohgawd / 10/08/2011 at 2:48am / United States (Washington) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/06/2011 at 1:27pm / United States (Texas) / Money
Today, I'd just finished feeding my parrot and sweeping all the seeds under the cage. As I was walking away, my parrot whistled. I turned around to see him get up onto the food dish, pick up a clawful of food and toss it on the floor. FML
by kemando / 10/06/2011 at 6:20am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML
by Beeisc00l / 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm / Reserved / Animals