Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About jdimaria3 : My name is Joey. I like rock/metal music and video games.
My favorite bands include Avenged Sevenfold, Bullet For My Valentine. Breaking Benjamin, A Day To Remember, 30 Seconds To Mars, Asking Alexandria, As I Lay Dying, We Are The Ocean, U2, Iron Maiden, Confide, Secrets, etc.
My favorite games include Metal Gear Solid 4, Fallout3/New Vegas, Mass Effect 2/3, Minecraft, Batman Arkham Asylum/City, The Walking Dead, Guitar Hero/Rock Band, Resistance 2/3, Dragons Dogma, Red Dead Redemption, Need for Speed: Most Wanted, Call of Duty 4/World at War/MW2/Black Ops, etc.
If you want to add me on ps3, my PSN is JDefense96
If you want to add me on Steam, my account is fallout3masseffect2
If you want to know anything else, message me.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Today, I got a weird feeling about the account balance in my savings account. Turns out my fiancé has been using my account to order random items whenever he likes. This account is my savings for college tuition and related expenses. FML
Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML
Today, my sister and I got into an argument at a tennis court which ended up with her trying to run me over in the parking lot. I stepped to the side and hit her door, denting it. My parents expect me to pay for the damage caused by my sister trying to kill me. FML
Today, I was at work on a smoke break. I work at a truck stop, and it was around 2am. This old man pulls in and asks me if I would like to join him for some dinner. I said no, and told him I was working. He replies, "How much do you charge?" Apparently, even in sweats I look like a hooker. FML
Today, I was at the beach with my parents. They were walking hand in hand, when they spotted a crab. My Dad turned to my Mum and said "Oh, must've crawled out of my pubes!" they both laughed and kissed. I don't think they realized I was within hearing distance. FML
Today, I went to the beach with this boy I like. Not thinking it'd be anything more than a simple date, I didn't shave my downstairs. We were sitting on a towel and I laid down. Then he said, "Is there a squirrel in your pants?" FML
Today, I was driving to my company picnic with 85 lbs of meat in the back seat, and 1 gallon of homemade BBQ sauce and mustard in large pans riding shotgun. As I drove down a steep hill, the BBQ sauce pan slid forward, hit the glove box and exploded in my front seat. FML
Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman asked me what came on a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. Trying not to laugh, I respond, "Bacon, egg, and cheese." She then realizes the stupidity of her question, and launches three dollars worth of quarters at my face and says, "Laugh at that, jerk." FML
Thursday 23 April 2015