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jbizzle2688's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 12/20/2011 at 12:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by EunJung / 11/03/2011 at 8:16pm / United States / Work
Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML
by Anonymous / 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML
by qx5 / 01/08/2011 at 5:05pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Money
Today, I'm in a relationship with a guy who yells at me everyday for things I didn't do, is in a dead-end job and is not attractive whatsoever, but I can't bring myself to break up with him because he would get to keep the dog. FML
by blahblah / 12/13/2010 at 9:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Wawawiwa / 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm / Namibia (Windhoek) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML
by Haley. / 03/26/2010 at 7:58pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, in the middle of having sex, my boyfriend of two years got a call. After taking the call, he said, "It's an emergency," and that he has to go. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me is wife is going into labour. FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2009 at 2:57pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by yoked / 12/17/2009 at 10:48pm / United States (Utah) / Love
Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML
by catwoman / 10/31/2009 at 12:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
by Oblivious / 09/24/2009 at 9:19pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was surprising my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was nude and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML
by Meh / 07/18/2009 at 11:51am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I decided to start running to stay fit. Before I left, I put my cell phone in my sweat shirt pocket, and jumped vigorously up and down and ran around my apartment to make sure it wouldn't fall out. On a bridge, it slides out of my pocket and drops fifteen feet into the water below. FML
by Ginny / 06/30/2009 at 5:23am / Netherlands (Friesland) / Health
Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML
by Anonymous / 05/27/2009 at 6:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…