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jbird7pw

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jbird7pw

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jbird7pw's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

#15472026
404 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48583) - you deserved it (8005)

On 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm - misc - by omg - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my twelve year old neighbour decided to give a Hannah Montana concert in her backyard, starring herself. Unfortunately, she only knew three lines of the song "The Best of Both Worlds" and screamed them repeatedly at the top of her lungs. FML

#15467016
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34605) - you deserved it (4233)

On 03/24/2011 at 3:07pm - kids - by Angie (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I was playing with my dog. His bouncy ball rolled under the couch, and I got on my hands and knees to get it. He decided it would be a good chance to hump the shit out of me. FML

#15448080
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34424) - you deserved it (10784)

On 03/23/2011 at 12:21pm - animals - by Username - United States (Florida)

Today, I noticed a weird smell coming from my four year old daughter's room. I went to investigate and found she had been using (and hiding) her garbage can as a toilet for when she "can't make it in time." FML

#15420091
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31627) - you deserved it (3887)

On 03/21/2011 at 8:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML

#15401904
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45215) - you deserved it (9568)

On 03/20/2011 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by HotAsTits (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my dog had to choose between protecting me from a mugger or eating an apple. He chose the apple. FML

#15401896
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34716) - you deserved it (4330)

On 03/20/2011 at 4:29pm - animals - by mugged (man) - United States (New York)

Today, as I was walking home, I passed some little girls who threw a bunch of snowballs at me. I dodged every single one, ran away laughing, and gave them the finger. I then ran into a snowman. FML

#14727355
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11778) - you deserved it (41354)

On 01/27/2011 at 12:19am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 4 year old cousin is staying overnight. Every time I fall asleep he wakes me up to tell me I fell asleep. FML

#14716778
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32330) - you deserved it (3336)

On 01/26/2011 at 2:48am - kids - by Braelynn -

Today, I admitted to my girlfriend that I'd kissed another girl five days before we got together. She told me, "That's OK, I slept with my boss last week." FML

#14150330
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42837) - you deserved it (7241)

On 12/10/2010 at 2:29am - intimacy - by rob -

Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML

#14142147
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26572) - you deserved it (10270)

On 12/09/2010 at 12:15pm - love - by katy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to pick me up and throw me on the bed. I rolled off and broke my collarbone. FML

#14139817
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32742) - you deserved it (3690)

On 12/09/2010 at 4:47am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, I planned to drop a water balloon on my visiting prankster brother from my new apartment's balcony. As he crossed the street, I launched the balloon, and sent it right behind him. It hit an eight year old on a scooter. FML

#14126136
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7487) - you deserved it (31152)

On 12/07/2010 at 11:20pm - misc - by bullseyed (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML

#14124824
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20386) - you deserved it (3037)

On 12/07/2010 at 9:38pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my daughter told my son that Santa is not real. Of course, being a child, he started to cry. My only problem is, my son is 11 and my daughter is 6. FML

#14120068
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33763) - you deserved it (6071)

On 12/07/2010 at 1:25pm - kids - by Cherie - United States (New York)

Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML

#14117268
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28587) - you deserved it (2348)

On 12/07/2010 at 6:08am - work - by jessefonsexy. (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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