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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2344
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About jbarrick17 : I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

jbarrick17's page activity

Visits<b>fuzz97</b> - the 03/21/2013 at 4:56pm

jbarrick17's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!


You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of jbarrick17's badges

jbarrick17's favorite FMLs

Today, I was notified of card fraud. As I was on the phone with the fraud department to take out any cash I could, the ATM ate my card and shredded it. The chip in my other card stopped working last week. I'm in Sweden until December and I have no money until October 1st. FML

Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML

by Gas-pingForAir / 09/19/2016 at 4:59am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, my babysitter told me to find a replacement, so I tried to bribe her into staying by offering her a raise. She told me that the money would be better spent on an exorcist. FML

by MumMatters / 09/09/2016 at 6:26am / Germany (Hamburg) / Kids

Today, I managed to spill Superglue on the one place you absolutely shouldn't spill Superglue. FML

by KittyKat168 / 09/09/2016 at 5:34am / Germany / Miscellaneous

Today, I almost got our office burned down by plugging the wrong charger into a laptop cooling fan. Tried to hide the incident and kept it casual but the smoke detector led it to my area and everyone knew I was the culprit. I'm a new hire too. FML

by funfettifirework / 08/18/2016 at 1:08am / Philippines (Quezon City) / Work

Today, as I was crossing a street, a car hit me and broke two of my ribs. The driver was too busy paying attention to his girlfriend who was giving him a blowjob from the passenger seat. I could see the look of ecstasy on his face as he rammed into me and drove off without noticing. FML

by Sean / 08/14/2016 at 12:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I woke up and found a turd casually sitting in the bathroom sink. Just 9 more months left on this lease. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2016 at 1:17pm / Miscellaneous

Today, that awesome new dubstep song that I was rocking out to in my car was actually my transmission falling apart. FML

by El Jeffe / 07/05/2016 at 1:54pm / United States (Utah) / Transportation

Today, I lost my virginity. We'd both waited until marriage, so I thought it'd be nice and romantic. Nope. He slipped it into my ass and claimed he didn't know which hole was the right one. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2016 at 2:24pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML

by pissedoff / 06/28/2016 at 7:53am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got really horny during a 10 hour shift, so I snuck into a storage room and relieved myself. Then as I went to leave the room, I noticed the security camera above the door. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2016 at 10:09am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2016 at 1:07pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a long roadtrip with my son. My son said he has to pee to which I answered he had to wait till I can stop the car. He started counting backwards from 10. I couldn't stop in time. FML

by Carnage23 / 06/05/2016 at 8:38am / Germany (Hessen) / Kids

Today, I overheard a "friend" talking about me and my recently deceased dog. He said: "Only time I've seen someone get that upset over someone dying, they were fucking each other. Just sayin'." FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 2:50pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend, when his doorbell rang. He said it was his friend and that he'd be back soon. He shut off his video feed but forgot to mute his audio. A few minutes later, I heard him and some orgasm-faking girl getting it on in the background. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2016 at 4:28pm / United States (California) / Love