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jbarrick17

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jbarrick17

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 659
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About jbarrick17 : I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

jbarrick17's page activity

Visits<b>fuzz97</b> - the 03/21/2013 at 4:56pm

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jbarrick17's favorite FMLs

Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML

#21307273
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4081) - you deserved it (425)

On 11/28/2014 at 12:25am - misc - by mainlineloser (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to end a first date with the words, "You can get out of my car and go upstairs yourself, or I can come around and drag you out, bring you up the stairs, and knock on your door," because he'd gotten completely plastered in a span of about three hours. And yes, I had to drag him. FML

Today, my little brother learned about mortality when our dog died. Since then, he's gone a little nuts and keeps ranting that he sees no point as to why our other dog should live. He's 16. FML

#21306062
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23052) - you deserved it (1750)

On 11/26/2014 at 7:09am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, because "Wifi's all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

#21302784
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31067) - you deserved it (3517)

On 11/20/2014 at 3:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML

#21298320
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31344) - you deserved it (2833)

On 11/13/2014 at 1:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML

#21297627
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29138) - you deserved it (8274)

On 11/12/2014 at 11:00am - health - by juggalomurderer59 (man) - United States

Today, my anxiety got so bad that when I stole a sword in Skyrim and resisted arrest, I had a full-on panic attack as I ran away. I ended up curling up on the sofa as my character got hacked to death on the TV. FML

#21294889
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29257) - you deserved it (7522)

On 11/08/2014 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous S'wit (man) - Portugal

Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML

#21293465
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33093) - you deserved it (6413)

On 11/06/2014 at 3:15pm - love - by notsofriendly (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mentally-unhinged mother reached a new level of psycho - she threw a tantrum and raged at my father, accusing him of cheating on her with our cat. FML

#21293397
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34867) - you deserved it (2457)

On 11/06/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by CatLover (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, for the first time since I can remember, I went in to work feeling positive, and that I could make good things happen. At the end of the day, my employment was terminated. FML

#21292980
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32775) - you deserved it (2651)

On 11/05/2014 at 9:03pm - work - by jobless (man) - United States (California)

Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML

#21292789
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28813) - you deserved it (3316)

On 11/05/2014 at 4:25pm - misc - by aineroo (woman) - Ireland (Galway)

Today, as I was walking home from work, I got chased halfway home by a wolf. Yes, a wolf. I live in central Norway. FML

#21288944
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33761) - you deserved it (2554)

On 10/31/2014 at 8:31am - animals - by noxiffic (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

#21285975
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32527) - you deserved it (4550)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm - kids - by MySonThePoet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML

#21285821
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35059) - you deserved it (3651)

On 10/26/2014 at 6:46pm - love - by mellielynnemily - United States

Today, I got drug tested for the second time this week. It's Tuesday. FML



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