Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

jazzybaby05

Search for a member

jazzybaby05

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2316
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About jazzybaby05 :

jazzybaby05's page activity

Visits<b>super3286</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 10:38am<b>tifdunc</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 7:24pm<b>s1s1</b> - the 01/26/2014 at 12:19pm<b>hoffmanam</b> - the 11/28/2013 at 10:10pm<b>ICastillo</b> - the 08/07/2013 at 8:32pm<b>ayazdgrade</b> - the 06/16/2013 at 10:06am<b>Trollx</b> - the 06/10/2013 at 1:36am<b>olpally</b> - the 05/28/2013 at 11:05pm<b>jackson38</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 12:44pm<b>KaiCer0</b> - the 05/14/2013 at 2:32pm<b>mn_shr</b> - the 05/12/2013 at 7:43am<b>SmokeyPlague</b> - the 05/07/2013 at 8:32am<b>NessieMonster188</b> - the 05/04/2013 at 11:38pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 05/01/2013 at 4:58pm<b>fmlBC</b> - the 04/29/2013 at 9:25pm<b>waffule365</b> - the 04/29/2013 at 11:52am<b>Covenant74</b> - the 04/28/2013 at 12:25am<b>tony77</b> - the 04/25/2013 at 10:04pm

jazzybaby05's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of jazzybaby05's badges

jazzybaby05's favorite FMLs

Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML

#20103865
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23556) - you deserved it (1663)

On 10/06/2012 at 3:12am - health - by monkers - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML

#20103084
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22346) - you deserved it (1908)

On 10/05/2012 at 4:25pm - health - by sharky (man) - United States

Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML

#20101402
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28435) - you deserved it (2178)

On 10/04/2012 at 2:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I have so much ass-acne that it hurts to sit. FML

#20101066
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30616) - you deserved it (6068)

On 10/04/2012 at 5:33am - health - by Chamorru (man) - United States

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

#20099894
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38862) - you deserved it (5172)

On 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML

#20087243
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17403) - you deserved it (32230)

On 09/24/2012 at 9:51pm - kids - by Fingkids - United States

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

#20027548
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41883) - you deserved it (2500)

On 08/18/2012 at 1:15am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

#20011677
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7697) - you deserved it (51747)

On 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm - misc - by feelsterrible (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I saw a news story about how wearing flip-flops is dangerous. I scoffed at the ridiculous study and went about my business. Three hours later I accidentally ripped off my toenail. While wearing flip-flops. FML

#19980407
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12125) - you deserved it (21459)

On 07/23/2012 at 10:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML

#19881608
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34919) - you deserved it (5267)

On 07/02/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by nobrony (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to pick a penny off of the ground for good luck. Someone kneed me in the butt, I fell face first and broke my glasses. FML

#19460120
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27010) - you deserved it (4063)

On 04/13/2012 at 5:43am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the first time. I was lying face down feeling so sexy, until flies started buzzing my butt. FML

#19344343
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10441) - you deserved it (36298)

On 03/25/2012 at 11:34am - misc - by BookBabe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

#19297004
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30402) - you deserved it (4879)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)

Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML

#19282725
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8998) - you deserved it (36287)

On 03/15/2012 at 1:49pm - misc - by StinkyandStupid - United States

Today, my manager came into the dog grooming salon I work at, lecturing about the importance of staying out of a dog's "bite zone". Right then, the dog I was working on bit me. FML

#18765091
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23048) - you deserved it (4153)

On 01/10/2012 at 7:50am - animals - by Anonymous - United States



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: