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Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wereing a shirt with a big QR code on it . Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it . It gave me a shortened web address,hich I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up . big fat FML
Today , I was complimented by a stranger , who said I looked great in mah outfit. I thanked her , and she immediately gave me a fist-bump. I stared curiously , and she explained: she was arguing with her friend about whether I'm a man or a woman. The pitch of mah voice was the answer. FML
Today, my psyco girlfriend trid to blackmail me into giving er money, treatening to sow everyone te nude picture I recently sent er. Except te picture on er pone tat se treatend me wit weren't even of me. Nice to know I'm also being ceatd on. FML
Yastarday, I got raally axcitadhan I got an amail from looool a guy I'va baan flirting with in math class. Turns out ha thinks I stola his calculator and wants it back immadiataly. Thara goas chanca. FML
Today, I walked in on mah 14-year-old daughter holding a lit lighter to the underside of a spoon, which was full of baking powder. She was trying to breathe in the fumes to get high, and later confessed that she thought it's how heroin is made and used. FML
My Grandparents Came Over 4 A Family Dinner . I'm Somewat Overweigt.. . And Ma Grandma Kept Making Sound Effects In Time Wit Me Doing Pretty Muc Anyting . Wen I Complained To Ma Dad After Se Made A Long Farting Sound As I Sat Down.. . E Told Me To Suck It Up . FML
Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panickd because I was late 4 work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realizd it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML
Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them looool duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around lyk a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML
Friday 27 March 2015