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jazzminemoody's favorite FMLs
Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decided to mess with my husband. When he got off work, I said, "The lady from your office called and said she was pregnant. From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, my fetus already has a sibling. FML
by oops / 09/20/2013 at 9:30pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 9:18pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 7:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 6:45pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was struggling to move a large bookshelf downstairs. Mid-way down, the weight became too much for me and I desperately yelled to my dad for help. He stood at the top of the stairs and said, "Cash or broken bones. How much's it worth, son?" I'm now £50 poorer. FML
by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 6:20pm / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Money
by disappointed / 09/20/2013 at 12:30pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by hoolagirl4422 / 09/20/2013 at 7:23am / Hong Kong / Love
by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 12:57am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Smoothskin / 09/19/2013 at 5:18pm / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, the water went out at my house, so I resorted to taking some stuff and showering at my old dorm instead. While in the shower, I realized I'd stupidly forgotten to bring a towel with me. I had to spend ages drying my whole body with tiny paper towels instead. FML
by Schizomaniac / 09/19/2013 at 3:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/19/2013 at 2:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2013 at 1:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by monkey / 09/19/2013 at 6:30am / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, I helped my brother propose to his girlfriend of 5 years in the spot where they had first met. As he delivered his heartfelt speech, a sizable crowd appeared. When he got down on one knee, she punched him in the gut, yelled, "I never loved you", and ran away. Now he won't talk to me. FML
by ElizaZee / 09/18/2013 at 9:45pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I started my new job. Only after I met my new boss did I realise I've met him before. He was at my friend's party last month, the only time in my life when I got so wasted that I danced on a table before puking on myself. He remembers me, too. FML
by Anoymous / 09/18/2013 at 2:31pm / Slovakia (Bratislava) / Work