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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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jazzmancarron

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jazzmancarron
  • Town/Country : Pittsfield, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 17 November 1988 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 533
  • Number of comments : 81
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About jazzmancarron : ya.... no.

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jazzmancarron's favorite FMLs

Today, I found a small bottle of chocolate milk in the fridge from McDonald's. I've been living with my grandparents while going to college and figuring they'd never drink it themselves, I took a sip. It had expired two years ago. FML

#6070693 (72)

I agree, your life sucks (6786) - you deserved it (23077)

On 10/30/2009 at 3:21pm - misc - by pimdala_major (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that when they put "Take with food" on the side of antibiotics, what they really mean is "Take with food because this stuff is gonna liquefy everything in your G.I. tract, and make you have to run out of the middle of calculus for the worst diarrhea ever." FML

#6069034 (76)

I agree, your life sucks (18355) - you deserved it (7295)

On 10/30/2009 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was hit by a car speeding through an intersection after the light had already turned red. Still partly blacked out, I crawled onto the sidewalk and I sat down. The woman rolled down her car window and yelled, "Watch where you're going!" as she drove by. FML

#6067303 (113)

I agree, your life sucks (28687) - you deserved it (1404)

On 10/30/2009 at 4:06am - misc - by legotron (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at my school's Midnight Madness, I was selected to show my school spirit in a contest. Being drunk, I decided to hump the school mascot in front of 300 people. FML

#6065931 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (4161) - you deserved it (33458)

On 10/30/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by skyhawk13 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it was my wedding day. I gave a speech about the first time my wife and I met. I said I knew she was the perfect woman for me and it was love at first sight. I looked to my right as she stormed off and then realized I had told a story about my ex-girlfriend who was sitting in the crowd. FML

#6042161 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (6219) - you deserved it (57866)

On 10/28/2009 at 5:22pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML

#5846674 (97)

I agree, your life sucks (19715) - you deserved it (2054)

On 10/15/2009 at 9:59pm - health - by Rob - Sent from mobile version

Today, whilst I was in a corner deli getting snacks, my girlfriend thought it would be funny to drive the car 50m down the street so that I would be confused when I come out... She was picked up by a cop driving without her license and now my car is impounded for 28 days. FML

#5547295 (105)

I agree, your life sucks (28311) - you deserved it (1854)

On 09/29/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I hit a horrible tee shot from the 18th hole. I decided to use my driver to take my frustration out on a nearby bush. The bees who lived in that bush decided to use their stingers to take out their frustration up inside my golf shorts. FML

#3555037 (148)

I agree, your life sucks (8704) - you deserved it (46361)

On 07/07/2009 at 2:19pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States

Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML

#234103 (93)

I agree, your life sucks (45687) - you deserved it (14220)

On 03/07/2009 at 1:28pm - kids - by Dang-ItsDanielle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, during my choral concert, I was helping turn the pages for the pianist who was accompanying the singers. In the middle of the song, one of the pages slipped and fell into his crotch area. In a panic, I frantically reached to grab the music. Well, I grabbed something. It wasn't the music. FML

#213399 (62)

I agree, your life sucks (29382) - you deserved it (9541)

On 03/04/2009 at 11:29pm - misc - by a person - United States (California)

Today, I woke up at 5:30 AM to my boyfriend flipping on the lights and shouting "we have a problem!". Our chinchilla had gotten out of his maximum security cage & half of our apartment is now underwater because he decided the water line that leads to the fridge would make a tasty midnight snack. FML

#208804 (113)

I agree, your life sucks (42322) - you deserved it (6949)

On 03/04/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by Sara (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was just wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and um...stuff. FML

#168503 (124)

I agree, your life sucks (66780) - you deserved it (9960)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:45am - health - by Monty (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was a host during kids' event. I did my job and started to do some funny moves to entertain the kids. I was wearing a top with a really low cut. Then noticed that all the children were pointing at me happily and adults looked surprised. Then I noticed that both my boobs had popped out. FML

#46183 (111)

I agree, your life sucks (7311) - you deserved it (36928)

On 02/15/2009 at 10:49am - misc - by Nastiaa (woman) - Estonia (Harjumaa)