About jazziness : I like Bruno Mars uhmmm I played lacrosse, sorta. I love FML and been here a while but I don't usually comment because everyone excepts some stupid witty response. kk bye...
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23375) - you deserved it (3521)
On 06/10/2012 at 12:13am - intimacy - by rachiej8 - United States (Vermont)
Today, I was having a debate with my friend, who actually believes karma is real. He got very angry with me and stormed off, tripping over his own feet in the process. I laughed and asked what he'd done in a past life to deserve that one. He responded by getting up and punching me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6904) - you deserved it (23504)
On 06/07/2012 at 5:26pm - health - by sh3n-D (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)
Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4215) - you deserved it (20782)
On 06/07/2012 at 8:10am - health - by Darwin_Award_Winner (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out I have an incredible fear of butterflies. I discovered this after my mother took me to a butterfly sanctuary for some "mother-daughter bonding time." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13419) - you deserved it (2194)
On 06/07/2012 at 7:00am - animals - by anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I moved into a new house. The landlord insists it's OK for her to come up whenever she wants because she owns the house. We aren't allowed to lock the doors and she has two 8-year-olds. They come into the bathroom every time they hear the shower running. We have a clear shower curtain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21596) - you deserved it (2673)
On 06/06/2012 at 9:25pm - misc - by HELP - United States
Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18870) - you deserved it (2256)
On 06/06/2012 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by BrianTheLion89 - United States
Today, I was trying to take my shirt off. It was an awkward fit, so I had to basically wrestle it for five minutes. The kicker was that I was giving my boyfriend a striptease. He laughed so hard and for so long that we never had sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16410) - you deserved it (5005)
On 06/05/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Damn (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22205) - you deserved it (2296)
On 06/05/2012 at 1:21pm - love - by why... (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20844) - you deserved it (1980)
On 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm - animals - by Scared (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a restaurant in front of a lot of people. Once I said yes, some guy yelled out, "SEX. SEX. SEX." My boyfriend yelled back, "LATER!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (20774) - you deserved it (4375)
On 06/04/2012 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by BooBabe (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3812) - you deserved it (29399)
On 06/03/2012 at 1:50am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28885) - you deserved it (1847)
On 06/02/2012 at 1:43am - misc - by ironyisabitch - United States (California)
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23469) - you deserved it (1759)
On 06/01/2012 at 4:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)
Today, I finally summed up the courage to break up with my abusively controlling girlfriend. I don't know what I was thinking, but instead of leaving as a free man, I left as an engaged one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14659) - you deserved it (37222)
On 05/30/2012 at 6:35pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Lombardia)
Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19118) - you deserved it (1037)
On 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)
Monday 20 May 2013
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