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jaylaufers

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jaylaufers

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  • Number of visits : 2362
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Visits<b>GiantEyedSuirrel</b> - the 02/27/2014 at 6:39am<b>screamtobeheard</b> - the 02/24/2014 at 4:59pm<b>gamersonly1234</b> - the 02/24/2014 at 12:06am<b>pinkster2014</b> - the 02/23/2014 at 11:44pm<b>wolfgold2</b> - the 02/23/2014 at 9:03pm

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jaylaufers's favorite FMLs

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25574) - you deserved it (6604)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

#20033419
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23633) - you deserved it (2955)

On 08/21/2012 at 4:21am - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States

Today, I found one of my mom's old diaries that dated back to my infant days. I couldn't help but read a little. I'm now in great concern over how many times my mom wrote that she wanted to dunk me in the toilet or throw me against a wall. FML

#20010632
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23227) - you deserved it (3462)

On 08/09/2012 at 12:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

#19986519
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27695) - you deserved it (2377)

On 07/27/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, a police officer came to talk to the kids at my workplace. He asked what they wanted to hear about first. A group of them shouted, "The donuts, tells us about the donuts." Apparently these idiots are the future of my country. FML

#19812468
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20044) - you deserved it (4424)

On 06/19/2012 at 12:08pm - kids - by Joseph N - United States

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
405 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37415) - you deserved it (4028)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, I went to take my driver's test, and I did almost everything perfectly. The last thing was to back into a driveway. As I went to put my hand on the passenger seat to look over my shoulder, I got so nervous that I hit my instructor in the face. FML

#19782263
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25628) - you deserved it (3170)

On 06/13/2012 at 2:13pm - misc - by sopissed - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was running late and couldn't find my purse anywhere. My sleep-deprived brain came up with the brilliant idea of trying to phone it. FML

#19756229
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18350) - you deserved it (4547)

On 06/08/2012 at 5:30pm - misc - by PEGASISTER FOR LIIIIIIIIFFFFFEEEEE!!!!! (woman) - Mexico

Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML

#19717228
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30663) - you deserved it (6734)

On 06/01/2012 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by dating a manchild (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML

#19701580
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25920) - you deserved it (1652)

On 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found out who my randomly assigned roommate was. Out of 10,000+ people, I just happen to get assigned a girl who threatened to kill me. FML

#19599121
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25069) - you deserved it (1748)

On 05/09/2012 at 7:26pm - misc - by roomingwithevil - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

#19475030
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19251) - you deserved it (36928)

On 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by lifeonfire12 (woman) - Canada

Today, while running in the park, I noticed some ducks in a pond. I stopped to look at them and began quacking at them, to see if they would react. This would have been OK had I not been wearing ear-buds, blasting music, making me unable to realize just how loud I was quacking. With people all around. FML

#19449312
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8205) - you deserved it (32022)

On 04/11/2012 at 11:39am - animals - by Quackers (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my anxiety was so bad that when I was riding my bike on the side walk and two pedestrians came walking in the opposite direction, I got so nervous about having to go between them or accidentally hitting them that I fell off my bike, into a bush. FML

#19434404
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19911) - you deserved it (5130)

On 04/09/2012 at 1:31am - misc - by sydstreet - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a Mexican restaurant with my family. I got stuck trying to decide whether I should get the fajitas or the tacos. I ended up getting the tacos because I didn't want the fajitas to come in sizzling, and I didn't want to "make a scene". My social anxiety has hit a new low. FML

#19211416
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22040) - you deserved it (5679)

On 03/03/2012 at 10:09pm - misc - by mexicandelicacy (man) - United States (Missouri)



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