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jaylaufers

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jaylaufers
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  • Number of visits : 905
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jaylaufers's favorite FMLs

Today, it was my boyfriends birthday and I saw he was logged in on ooVoo. He sent me a request to video chat so I decided to take off all of my clothes to surprise him. Little did I know, his entire family was at his house and at the computer because he, "wanted to show them what a great girlfriend I am." FML

#4050970
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21975) - you deserved it (67238)

On 07/26/2009 at 9:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at work, as a camp counselor, I was discussing how stupid the idea of santa is to a co-worker, and how every parent should tell the truth to their kids. The intercom microphone was on. I single handily told a group of 100 six year olds that santa was not real. FML

#3812177
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13259) - you deserved it (63135)

On 07/16/2009 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was interviewed by this TV crew who asked me what I thought of Rhode Island being voted for the second most neurotic state. I thought they said that Rhode Island was the second most erotic state. I commented. FML

#3790297
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34180) - you deserved it (10914)

On 07/16/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by newsgirl (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

#2976361
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36690) - you deserved it (3195)

On 06/17/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by Pancakegirl - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mom had one too many and announced to all of my friends that, if she had the opportunity, she would bang Gwen Stefani. FML

#2959113
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48617) - you deserved it (3993)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

#2796637
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70138) - you deserved it (17109)

On 06/11/2009 at 7:52am - work - by apav (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to "cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair". FML

#2671287
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63056) - you deserved it (6438)

On 06/06/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, two of my girlfriends and I went to a bar. The only action any of us got was a 50 year old man who came up and handed us "An origami vagina for the pretty ladies." FML

#2463557
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39785) - you deserved it (4545)

On 05/31/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by ailat0107 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML

#2044978
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8368) - you deserved it (45871)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:04am - work - by hipthrustdude (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML

#1927832
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57332) - you deserved it (5313)

On 05/14/2009 at 11:24am - kids - by TwinDad (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

#1751488
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72238) - you deserved it (21999)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went into work to set up a new store. There was a lot of lifting so I dressed casual. This happened to be the day the owner brought in his conservative family to check out the store. I was wearing a shirt that says "everyone poops" and has a donkey and elephant pooping. FML

#1616689
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13039) - you deserved it (53230)

On 05/04/2009 at 1:40am - work - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized the senior thesis I turned in last week uses the word "asses" instead of "assess" 17 times. FML

#1423979
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18578) - you deserved it (54619)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:47pm - misc - by fuckspellcheck (man) - United States (Virginia)



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