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jaylaufers

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jaylaufers

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  • Number of visits : 1400
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jaylaufers's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML

#6712384
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13841) - you deserved it (34890)

On 12/11/2009 at 7:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML

#6563359
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48288) - you deserved it (3469)

On 12/02/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by errrmkl46 - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was at a zoo with some friends in Germany. People were talking to this bird and it responded in complete, grammatically correct German sentences. One of my friends said 'Wow, that bird has better grammar than the exchange student!' A bird speaks better German than me. FML

#6389403
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24761) - you deserved it (4488)

On 11/21/2009 at 7:19am - animals - by bird-brain (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML

#6268890
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38550) - you deserved it (4015)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:17am - kids - by Teaching (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML

#6224198
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36610) - you deserved it (5987)

On 11/09/2009 at 2:55am - health - by vanessa_d15 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a customer complimented me on how good I looked for my age. She thought I was in my forties. I'm 18. FML

#6175316
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32186) - you deserved it (3566)

On 11/05/2009 at 10:29pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while at the store, my fly became undone. It doesn't seem that bad unless an old lady comes to "zip it up for you." FML

#5991495
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30688) - you deserved it (3639)

On 10/25/2009 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, I had lunch with some important potential clients at a fancy restaurant. I really wanted to make a good impression. When the piano music stopped, I started clapping while looking around for the pianist. Apparently, it was a CD. FML

#5953871
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9721) - you deserved it (35364)

On 10/23/2009 at 1:01am - work - by E.S. (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my crush was talking to me on Facebook. He said, "Did you know that 99% of the time a guy is talking to a girl it's because he wants to go out with her? Yeah, well, this is that 1%." FML

#5579906
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40501) - you deserved it (3197)

On 10/01/2009 at 2:59am - love - by Icy (woman) - United States (Washington) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidentally pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML

#5107087
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11603) - you deserved it (70415)

On 09/07/2009 at 3:21pm - misc - by ilovefootball (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML

#4977727
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40460) - you deserved it (2776)

On 09/01/2009 at 2:51pm - animals - by Catscratch (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to buy another pair of 'fat jeans', because my old 'fat jeans' became my new 'skinny jeans'. FML

#4926734
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22692) - you deserved it (53630)

On 08/30/2009 at 10:15am - misc - by FML (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML

#4820623
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51357) - you deserved it (3182)

On 08/25/2009 at 8:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out why my 5 year old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML

#4803668
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38043) - you deserved it (2454)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by Stripperofthemall - United States (California)

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

#4696975
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58549) - you deserved it (3389)

On 08/21/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Dakota)



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