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jaylaufers

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jaylaufers
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  • Number of visits : 903
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jaylaufers's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to work at the restaurant instead of going to the prom, which nobody asked me out to. For five hours, I got to shamefully greet and seat people on their way home from the prom, all of whom knew I was too lame to get asked out. FML

#21111507
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37303) - you deserved it (3602)

On 04/12/2014 at 11:01pm - work - by annoyed teen - United States (Idaho)

Today, a guy from work that I barely know gave me sunflowers for my birthday. He told me, "You mentioned they were your favorite." I mentioned it to my family at home a few days ago. FML

#21069947
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42592) - you deserved it (3482)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:18pm - love - by You Are My Sunshine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with play-doh and made a sculpture that resembled a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML

#21069587
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40624) - you deserved it (4822)

On 02/23/2014 at 5:27pm - kids - by hot sweet.... not (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)

Today, I aced my solo during my band concert. My parents were asleep the whole time. FML

Today, my mom announced to everyone that she wants at least ten grandchildren. I'm an only child. FML

Today, I downloaded Grindr to my phone. It also downloaded to my mom's phone, my dad's phone, and my brother's phone. FML

#21030290
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32610) - you deserved it (17074)

On 01/16/2014 at 9:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML

#21017330
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44855) - you deserved it (11663)

On 01/05/2014 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML

#21010264
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42417) - you deserved it (21678)

On 12/30/2013 at 7:10am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43459) - you deserved it (4924)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I played in a high school concert. Some alumni of the band were sitting in the audience and were brought to tears. Not because it was beautiful, but because they were sad to see how much the music program had declined since they left. FML

#20994103
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31386) - you deserved it (3994)

On 12/15/2013 at 10:44pm - misc - by NotTalented - United States (Colorado)

Today, I let my sister hold my newborn daughter for the first time. I heard her mutter under her breath, "I could kill you so easily..." FML

Today, at a grocery store, a man came up to me while I was picking out apples and whispered in my ear, "That's how Snow White died." FML

#20947922
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40971) - you deserved it (3673)

On 11/06/2013 at 4:16pm - misc - by awkward - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML

#20937985
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43181) - you deserved it (11316)

On 10/29/2013 at 2:57pm - health - by Anonymous - Zimbabwe

Today, I went to school without any makeup on. The guys who usually compliment me for being pretty are now calling me "The Greatest Illusion Ever". FML

#20936906
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41896) - you deserved it (18507)

On 10/28/2013 at 4:31pm - misc - by The greatest Illusion ever (woman) - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually claimed that his cheating didn't count because A) the other girl is his lab partner, and B) she's overweight. FML

#20933703
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40100) - you deserved it (2788)

On 10/25/2013 at 5:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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