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javier_fml

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javier_fml

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  • Number of visits : 80
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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javier_fml's favorite FMLs

Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML

#20419819
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80202) - you deserved it (24605)

On 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by valnaj1 (woman) - Denmark (Syddanmark)

Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't find the ad, but obviously everyone else can because I still haven't stopped receiving naked pictures. FML

#20419133
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32424) - you deserved it (3348)

On 12/24/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by Chanman1924 - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

#20418972
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39829) - you deserved it (5763)

On 12/24/2012 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, while giving my fiancé a hand-job, my ring got stuck in his pubes. We had to awkwardly get to the kitchen to get scissors. FML

Today, I held up my best friend with a lighter shaped like a gun, and jokingly accused him of sleeping with my wife, only to have him admit that he really did. FML

#19477249
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47280) - you deserved it (5194)

On 04/16/2012 at 4:12am - intimacy - by oface13 (man) - United States

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

#19475030
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19185) - you deserved it (36736)

On 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by lifeonfire12 (woman) - Canada

Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML

#19343644
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23310) - you deserved it (2975)

On 03/25/2012 at 7:59am - animals - by PicklesMcRaptor - United States (Florida)

Today, I was browsing some hardcore porn sites. My mum decided to barge into my room uninvited, so I quickly switched tabs. Unfortunately for me, all five other tabs were also parked on porn galleries. Now my computer and phone are confiscated, and I can only get online at the local library. FML

#19301849
358 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10335) - you deserved it (53738)

On 03/18/2012 at 4:46pm - misc - by waitwhat (man) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, I have been left home alone, the electricity has cut out, and I am petrified of the dark. I am stuck downstairs making karate noises every few minutes to scare off creepers. FML

#19292918
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21054) - you deserved it (11894)

On 03/17/2012 at 8:45am - misc - by belieber101 - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I had a nasty cough, but I went to college anyway. When I walked into class, I could practically smell menstrual blood in the air. After a few coughs, our instructor gave me an "Oh, shut up!" After half an hour, she kicked me out for not "taking the class seriously". FML

#19290632
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21780) - you deserved it (7374)

On 03/16/2012 at 10:21pm - misc - by danny5191 (man) - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

#19289453
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21628) - you deserved it (11882)

On 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I panicked when I saw a spider on my shoulder from the corner of my eye. It was a birthmark. The same one that has been there for the last 23 years. FML

#19286969
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8530) - you deserved it (19353)

On 03/16/2012 at 1:54am - misc - by lct722 - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a snake is not something she imagines herself ever touching. FML

#19281835
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28526) - you deserved it (3170)

On 03/15/2012 at 7:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

#2321503
854 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34154) - you deserved it (255026)

On 05/26/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by Jerrrr (man) - United States (New York)



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