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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2500
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About jasonmar : Hi my names jason. I'm from Salt Lake City, Utah but am currently living in Shanghai, China. FML keeps me sane on those rough China days!

jasonmar's page activity

Visits<b>macncheeze97</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 8:19pm<b>CrazyLaughs4Me</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 7:04pm<b>taylor21398</b> - the 02/26/2014 at 10:17pm<b>Wonder_Woman257</b> - the 02/14/2014 at 11:00pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 11:23am<b>gmc_blossom</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 4:38pm<b>thisawkwardchick</b> - the 01/27/2014 at 7:07pm<b>KRAZYKILLAKLOWN</b> - the 01/26/2014 at 7:00am<b>Bubule</b> - the 01/25/2014 at 11:56am<b>RockNRollAndrew</b> - the 01/12/2014 at 5:20pm<b>krupa1017</b> - the 01/11/2014 at 3:44pm<b>maximus_prime</b> - the 01/07/2014 at 12:33pm<b>_ansley_2013</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 9:31pm<b>windell</b> - the 12/30/2013 at 1:50am<b>StiffPvtParts</b> - the 12/29/2013 at 3:14pm<b>Jeeper4Life</b> - the 12/27/2013 at 11:11am<b>REALAfroninga</b> - the 12/27/2013 at 8:56am<b>macorncob</b> - the 12/23/2013 at 9:04am

jasonmar's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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jasonmar's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML

by satanlovesme / 05/30/2009 at 7:22pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was impressing dinner guests by spinning my new baby in the air (something she loves), when she projectile vomited over the dinner table and the guests. My wife, who had spent three hours cooking was not impressed. Once of the guests was also a sympathy spewer. FML

by Sodge / 05/15/2009 at 6:20am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML

by Jinthebar / 05/06/2009 at 12:13am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

by Jon / 05/04/2009 at 8:46pm / United States (Maine) / Kids

Today, I was working at a local restaurant when another server's table called me over to ask if I've "ever killed anybody". They informed me I looked like a serial killer. I informed them, of course, that I have never killed anybody. Another customer claimed I scared her child. I was fired. FML

by Bob / 04/14/2009 at 2:13am / United States (Kansas) / Work

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breaths on my neck. When I was about to finish he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck/ear and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML

by bodyelectric / 04/13/2009 at 8:07am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

by creepermagnet / 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend's text, I accidentally clicked on this guy's name instead, who I've never met. He just told me about his grandma's funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, "Haha wow you slut, I'm sure you were aroused." FML

by ohhotdamn / 03/25/2009 at 10:48pm / United States (Kansas) / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

by lovewedge / 03/08/2009 at 8:25pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML

by Noname / 02/25/2009 at 12:35am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, I went bowling with my mom and she paid for 2 games. By the 6th frame of game 1 she was bored and to get her money back for both games she told the employees I shit my pants. I'm 17. FML

by Noname / 02/19/2009 at 4:47pm / United States (Maryland) / Money

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was there as well as her boss, and a few other managers and directors. We started discussing politics in the context of our latest project. I tried to say "erratic election". I almost succeeded. FML

by Flubber / 02/07/2009 at 12:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML

by jf29 / 01/30/2009 at 7:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals