Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
This member hasn't filled in the description.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
TODAY I ASKD OUT THE MAN OF MY DREAMS. HE TOLD ME HE'D ASK HIS DAD IF IT WAS OKAY. I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST KIDDING, UNTIL HE PULLD OUT HIS PHONE AND CALLD HIS DAD. AFTER A FEW MINUTES OF "COME ON, DAD" AND "BUT WHY?" HE HUNG UP AND SAID HIS DAD WOULDN'T LET HIM. HE'S 22. FML
Today, ma usband and I arrivd in Barbados on vacation. We visitd a club, and tey ad a selection of drinks wit werd names. My usband orderd one calld te Raging Bitc, flickd is finger towards me, and said to te barkeeper, ( Migt as well get someting I'm usd to. ) FML
Today, I finally talked mah boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I cummed an instinctively gripped his head with mah thighs. He panicked an we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML
Today, I Crawlad Into Bad With Mah Boyfriand. Ha Was Snoring Loudlyhich Is How I Knaw Ha Was Passad Out Cold. Onca I Was Undar Tha Blankat Naxt To Him, Ha Slowly Turnad Ovar, Starad Ma Straight In Tha Faca And Said, "I Hava To Kill You". Than Startad Snoring Again. FML
yesterday while using a restroom in Walmart, an old lady with a cane hobbled in screaming, "I smell someone looool making sin!" She would not stop tapping on the door with her cane till I cummed out . FML
Today, I was getting freaky wit my boyfriend and told im to spank me. In a seductive voice, e told me not to tell im wat to do. Continuing, I askd im ow e was going to punis me, to wic e ten replid, "I'm going to punc u straigt in te face." FML
Today... The Great Deal On Mah New Apartment Has Turned Into A Nightmare. I Keep Hereing Extremely Werd Sounds Almost Every Night... And When I Tried Taking Pics Of The Place Today... Mah Camera's Face Recognition Feature Kept Activating... But Only In Mah Bedroom. I'm Scared Shitless. FML
TODAY, I JOKINGLY TOLD MAH FRIEND THAT WHEN A TREE SEEMS TO SWAY IN THE WIND, IT'S REALLY JUST HAVING AN ORGASM. NOT ONLY DID SHE BELIEVE ME, SHE'S BEEN SMUGLY INFORMING EVERYONE WE KNOW. SHE'S 26. I SEEM TO BE FRIENDS WITH AN ABSOLUTE IDIOT. REAL FML
Today, friends took work laptop and changd the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you ned to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML
Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up fir years, buten I saw te pack I just couldn't elp myself. One taste was enoug to make me finis off teole pack. Nobody knows tat I've fallen off te wagon and I'm so asamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuit again. real FML
today my grlfriend of six weeks dumpd me when she learnd that Macedonia where I was born is in Europe. Apparently she thought that I looool was "Asian" an she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah I'm totally confusd too. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015