janey000

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Offline (the 08/22/2015 at 2:29am)

janey000

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  • Number of visits : 634
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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janey000's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally finished a drawing that someone had asked and said they would pay me for. I worked on it for multiple hours and was very proud of it. When it came to discussing payment, I asked what his best offer was. A pack of cigarettes. FML

by xerrika / 06/03/2014 at 7:56am / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I got married. My father saw this as a good time to give some solemn, heartfelt advice to my new husband: "That ring gets real heavy fast." I was standing right there. So was my mother. FML

by CorCelesti / 06/02/2014 at 10:00am / United States / Love

Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML

by Alone / 05/21/2014 at 7:05am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML

by gvmfvr / 05/08/2014 at 4:48pm / Animals

Today, I had the house to myself, and I started talking to myself and singing at full volume. When I went to use the bathroom, I found my constipated cousin looking at me strangely. FML

by anonymous / 05/07/2014 at 7:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trolling on a My Little Pony forum. I was midway through typing a big post, calling them all a bunch of attention-seeking losers who act like morons because their parents never loved them, when I broke down in tears, realizing I'd just perfectly described myself. FML

by I suck :( / 05/07/2014 at 5:25pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbor scolded me for "allowing" her son to be bitten by one of my dogs. This would be reasonable, except for the fact that her kid had jumped my fence and tried to steal a rattle out of my daughter's hands. FML

by Arthur / 05/07/2014 at 3:16pm / United States / Kids

Today, I turned in my best painting yet for a scholarship competition. For once in my life, I was actually proud of a piece I'd done. I ended up losing the scholarship to some dickface who'd basically just glued together some crap from the dollar store and called it conceptual art. FML

by assgoblins piss me off / 05/06/2014 at 4:52pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, after finishing a two hour essay exam that will determine the future of my career, I realized I misread the question. FML

by IBS / 05/06/2014 at 5:11am / China (Shanghai) / Miscellaneous

Today, I read that egg whites make a good hair treatment. Everything was going fine until, without thinking, I turned the hot water on to wash it out. I'm still picking the cooked egg out of my hair. FML

by EggHead / 05/03/2014 at 12:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML

by Quackadoodledoo / 04/23/2014 at 10:21pm / United Kingdom (Barnet) / Transportation

Today, I went hiking with my family. A local had told us about the trail, saying the two mile walk would lead us to a seventy-foot waterfall. After seven miles of trekking in the sweltering sun with no food, we finally found the waterfall. It was barely ten feet tall. FML

by why?? / 04/20/2014 at 12:52am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I work at a food joint as a chef, and a customer found a long strand of hair in her food. The manager blamed me, even though I'm bald. FML

by notmine / 04/19/2014 at 10:39pm / India (Delhi) / Work

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm / Norway (Nordland) / Work

Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2014 at 8:14pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids