janet654

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Offline (the 01/03/2016 at 8:06pm)

janet654

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  • Number of visits : 119
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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janet654's favorite FMLs

Today, I'm a 34 year old male who just got given the sex talk on my Facebook timeline by my senile mother. 5ML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 8:29pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 3:24pm / Intimacy

Today, my mom asked me when I'm going to propose to my girlfriend. Not only was she in the room at the time, I've spent the whole week thinking of ways to break up with her without ending up in the hospital. 5ML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 10:11am / United States / Love

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

by MommyProblems / 01/19/2014 at 12:17am / United States / Kids

Today, I signed up for a dating site and used a photo of my mother and me at a wedding. Everyone stops responding when they find out they're talking to me and not her. FML

by dylanhollis / 01/17/2014 at 7:49am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my younger brother asked if he could watch me put a tampon in. He's 17. FML

by ugh / 01/16/2014 at 8:37am / Vietnam (Ha Noi) / Intimacy

Today, I hacked into my best friend's Facebook account to message my mother about organizing a surprise party for myself for my 21st. She ignored the message for two days before replying, "I don't think so. No one would really show up and I think that would hurt her feelings." FML

by nolovefor21 / 01/16/2014 at 6:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

by rholt / 01/14/2014 at 1:48am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

by OvertonHippie / 01/13/2014 at 7:09am / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my wife told my 7-year-old son that he looks just like me. He began crying and said, "I don't want to be ugly like him." FML

by -_- / 01/12/2014 at 3:03am / United States / Kids

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2014 at 1:38am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sang "happy birthday" to my best friend. Sadly, it was while waitressing at work, where they were having a celebration I hadn't been invited to in the first place. FML

by left out / 01/11/2014 at 3:26pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of five years got me a ring for Christmas. When I opened it, I was speechless and overjoyed. He then said, "It's just a ring. It doesn't mean anything." FML

by Wtfbro / 12/24/2013 at 3:30pm / United States / Love

Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

Today, I walked in on my dad masturbating to a nude photo of my mum on the computer. She passed away four years ago. FML

by Anonymous / 06/08/2013 at 4:53pm / United Kingdom (Bromley) / Intimacy