janeencynthia

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Offline (the 05/03/2016 at 8:49am)

janeencynthia

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 505
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

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janeencynthia's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let up about it. I don't know how to break it to him that his penis is too small for me to suck and look upward at the same time. FML

by oh gee / 05/02/2016 at 1:01am / Intimacy

Today, I overheard my mom complaining to her friends about her uncontrollable queefing problem. Excuse me while I find a therapist. FML

by Anonymous / 03/26/2016 at 1:13pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, my 5-year-old daughter said "Mommy, why doesn't anyone wanna marry you?" I've been asking myself the same question for all too many years. FML

by Anonymous / 03/26/2016 at 11:36am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, someone told my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I've never cheated in my life. Instead of talking to me about it, she made a big post on Facebook about what a dick I am. Pretty much all the comments went along the lines of "What a bastard." and "Ugh, men are pigs." FML

by ameremanapparently / 03/26/2016 at 8:27am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I brought my best painting yet to college. I showed it off and everyone loved it. Or almost everyone. When we came back from lunch break, we found someone had sharpied the words "JIZZ BUTT" all over it. That painting took two weeks to finish. FML

by Anonymous / 03/26/2016 at 1:51am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally put the finishing touches on a huge project after 8 months of gruelling work. My boss had used the promise of a 5-figure bonus to motivate me. When I casually brought the bonus up later in the day, my boss just said "Gratitude's its own reward, Mike." FML

by considering murder / 03/25/2016 at 1:19pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, I explained to my five year-old son that the dinosaurs were wiped out because of a meteorite that hit our planet. He replied, "They should've stood out of the way." FML

by sauve dino. / 03/24/2016 at 11:12pm / Kids

Today, I discovered my cat is bathroom shy when I accidentally walked in on him relieving himself. He jumped about 3 feet in the air and bolted out, launching feces and pee all over the bathroom, hallway, and my shoes. FML

by poop / 03/24/2016 at 2:15pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I managed to have 17 different nosebleeds throughout the most important job interview of my life. I managed to bleed all over my own suit, my résumé, the carpet, and the corridor leading to the bathroom. FML

by RIPLife / 03/24/2016 at 10:03am / Switzerland (Geneve) / Work

Today, an old guy with a cane got up in my face for "mocking" the way he walked. In retrospect, I guess it is pretty offensive for me to have had knee surgery and still be recovering from it. My apologies. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2016 at 12:06pm / United States (Nebraska) / Health

Today, my acne reached a new low. Literally. I'm now getting bright red pimples on my penis. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2016 at 10:36am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my stepmother started talking to me after a month of the silent treatment. When I asked her what I had done wrong, she replied, "Nothing, but do you know that feeling when you look at someone and you just want to choke them?" FML

by Stepmotherfucker / 03/23/2016 at 2:32am / Ukraine / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, and the trunk lid hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML

by gnofin / 03/22/2016 at 5:23pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working for a hospital security company, I had to assist in restraining a male patient while the nurses put a catheter in him. All I will say is that it looked like a worm trying to swallow a straw. FML

by Shock / 03/21/2016 at 4:12pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I sat at work for 8 hours daydreaming about the homemade 4 cheese ravioli I would come home to after spending 3 hours making it from scratch the night before. When I finally got home and heated the ravioli, I dropped it all over my feet, giving me second degree burns. FML

by HolyRavioli / 03/21/2016 at 1:37pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous