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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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james_lee_dakota's favorite FMLs
by Mike / 04/25/2011 at 5:39pm / Health
Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML
by inder / 02/25/2011 at 11:03am / United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent) / Intimacy
Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML
by :/ / 02/20/2011 at 1:44pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by breakinphones / 02/19/2011 at 9:03pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 4:29pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
by Anonymous / 02/18/2011 at 2:35am / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
by justmyluck? / 02/17/2011 at 10:02pm / Miscellaneous
by Aled / 02/17/2011 at 11:33am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/14/2011 at 12:31am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs. FML
by alice / 02/13/2011 at 8:18pm / United Kingdom / Transportation
Today, I had to say a deep sincere speech on assembly in front of the whole college on the recent floods in Queensland. Instead of saying "We are Queenslanders, when we get knocked down, we get back up" I stumbled and said "We are Queenslanders, when we get knocked up..." FML
by knockedup / 02/13/2011 at 5:00am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
by RyanM / 02/13/2011 at 4:01am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, I took sexy pictures for my boyfriend. I am at my Aunt's house. I uploaded the pictures and after successfully posting them in a message I deleted them. I accidentally deleted the whole photo library. Now she is taking the computer to Apple tomorrow to recover the "lost" photos. FML
by Hailey / 02/12/2011 at 8:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/12/2011 at 11:52am / United States (California) / Love
by AMIGODO / 02/12/2011 at 10:13am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy
- Today, I was teaching a new employee on how to put out a grease fire while it was still in the pan.… Today, I met my host family for study abroad. I meant to tell them that I've always wanted a sister… Today the Lord struck me with not only a headache and a weirdly twitchy eye, but also with a cyst…