About jalapeno64 : I live in Los Santos, California. I pay hookers for sex a lot then kill them to get my $ back. I deal drugs such as that oregano, some of that tylenol, cleaning products, ect. I have an M16 but with no ammo because I use it to shoot flies. So don't come anywhere near my house because I can whack you in the head with it!
jalapeno64's FML badges
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
jalapeno64's favorite FMLs
by Taylor Easley / 03/17/2012 at 12:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML
by dumbfriend / 03/12/2012 at 3:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was talking with my uncle, when the subject of my abusive mother-in-law came up. He assured me he'd talk to her and straighten things out. Apparently this means posting on her Facebook wall threatening to "pimp-slap a bitch" if she doesn't get her "fat ass out of family business". FML
by ...... / 10/07/2011 at 10:40pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2011 at 12:17pm / Canada / Intimacy
by katt_is_here / 10/02/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Colorado) / Work
by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek
by hiii. / 03/15/2010 at 10:27pm / United States (Indiana) / Geek
Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML
by anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:49am / United States / Geek
Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML
by Oops / 01/14/2010 at 10:55am / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, I woke up at 3am because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML
by Anonymous / 01/11/2010 at 8:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by deucelututi / 05/31/2009 at 8:03am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
by ScoobieDoo / 03/20/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Washington) / Kids
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