About jalapeno64 : I live in Los Santos, California. I pay hookers for sex a lot then kill them to get my $ back. I deal drugs such as that oregano, some of that tylenol, cleaning products, ect. I have an M16 but with no ammo because I use it to shoot flies. So don't come anywhere near my house because I can whack you in the head with it!
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28876) - you deserved it (1905)
On 03/17/2012 at 12:53am - misc - by Taylor Easley - United States (California)
Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (16271) - you deserved it (2541)
On 03/12/2012 at 3:48pm - misc - by dumbfriend - United States
Today, I was talking with my uncle, when the subject of my abusive mother-in-law came up. He assured me he'd talk to her and straighten things out. Apparently this means posting on her Facebook wall threatening to "pimp-slap a bitch" if she doesn't get her "fat ass out of family business". FML
I agree, your life sucks (19513) - you deserved it (2293)
On 10/07/2011 at 10:40pm - misc - by ...... (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31550) - you deserved it (7627)
Today, I was at my job in the Halloween store. I had to tell someone, "Please stop hitting the Bieber wig with that pimp cane." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20742) - you deserved it (2760)
On 10/02/2011 at 1:15am - work - by katt_is_here (woman) - United States (Colorado)
TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30164) - you deserved it (24880)
On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)
Today, I was so bored I googled the word "bored." The results were boring. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6987) - you deserved it (25896)
On 03/15/2010 at 10:27pm - misc - by hiii. (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18363) - you deserved it (7815)
On 03/14/2010 at 10:49am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9207) - you deserved it (20495)
On 01/14/2010 at 10:55am - work - by Oops (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I woke up at 3am because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21008) - you deserved it (2226)
On 01/11/2010 at 8:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18265) - you deserved it (58261)
On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (307322) - you deserved it (40949)
On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)
Monday 20 May 2013
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