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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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jake

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jake
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 36139
  • Number of comments : 79
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

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jake's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML

#13934801 (92)

I agree, your life sucks (19498) - you deserved it (2506)

On 11/22/2010 at 7:29am - intimacy - by shopper242 - France

Today, we were working with infant and adult CPR dummies. After practising flawless CPR on the adult dummy, I announced "And that's how you save someone." Then I tripped on the baby dummy and fell. My co-worker stood up and yelled out, "And that's how you kill a baby." FML

#8805170 (184)

I agree, your life sucks (4510) - you deserved it (16073)

On 03/03/2010 at 7:07pm - misc - by DUMMIE (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out exactly what Ducolax stool softener is all about. Holy colon cleanse Batman! FML

#8797519 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (3571) - you deserved it (13332)

On 03/03/2010 at 11:34am - health - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got excited because I found a chat line for teens who are dealing with depression. I signed up and was about to enter the chat room and then a message popped up that said ''Sorry this is only available for teens in the United Kingdom.'' FML

#8732304 (187)

I agree, your life sucks (16075) - you deserved it (2714)

On 02/28/2010 at 10:16pm - health - by Hannah - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML

#8587618 (114)

I agree, your life sucks (17591) - you deserved it (2026)

On 02/23/2010 at 1:09pm - misc - by disgusted - United States (Georgia)

Today, someone thought it would be funny to switch the signs on the bathroom doors. Fortunately, I knew which was the men's and went on in. The startled old woman inside, however, did not. FML

#8169403 (153)

I agree, your life sucks (14217) - you deserved it (1993)

On 02/12/2010 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML

#8130787 (226)

I agree, your life sucks (15336) - you deserved it (3780)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:42pm - misc - by tammyg - United States

Today, my drunk mother got into a fight with the lady at Krystal burger. Why? "Because the bitch said they aren't making special orders." FML

#8085656 (123)

I agree, your life sucks (13870) - you deserved it (1438)

On 02/10/2010 at 10:10am - misc - by Krit - United States

Today, my pissed off girlfriend used window marker to write racist comments on my car window. This would include: nazi symbols, white power, and a few others I won't mention. I live in a predominately black neighborhood. FML

#8081301 (140)

I agree, your life sucks (22961) - you deserved it (2667)

On 02/10/2010 at 4:08am - misc - by ... - United States

Today, I walked past a group of men at the mall and one of them mooed at me. FML

#7916627 (186)

I agree, your life sucks (20057) - you deserved it (4492)

On 02/05/2010 at 9:18pm - misc - by LynnJ (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML

#7905644 (151)

I agree, your life sucks (3637) - you deserved it (34430)

On 02/05/2010 at 1:22pm - misc - by goldenshower (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years spent a whole hour making me promise that if he ever died, I would never try to find someone else. FML

#7874367 (182)

I agree, your life sucks (20671) - you deserved it (2825)

On 02/04/2010 at 11:12am - love - by confused - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was rushed to the hospital because I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. Why was I crying? My favorite anime character died. FML

#7711889 (311)

I agree, your life sucks (10816) - you deserved it (55529)

On 01/30/2010 at 3:54pm - misc - by Obsessed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was lying in bed throwing a football in the air and catching it. I missed a catch, and the ball hit me between the legs. I shoved my hands down my pants because it hurt, just as my step-dad walked into the room and saw me holding my crotch and moaning. FML

#7548356 (171)

I agree, your life sucks (22200) - you deserved it (6183)

On 01/24/2010 at 5:24pm - misc - by Blah (man) - United States

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

#7501218 (214)

I agree, your life sucks (29710) - you deserved it (2356)

On 01/22/2010 at 3:51pm - misc - by Funnymann - United States