About jaime411 : Well hi there,
Imagine you're on the back of a giant Tortise swimming across the pacific ocean while small mutant Caterpillars sang a song to you from the tops of your shoulders. lovely right?
About jaime411 : Well hi there,
jaime411's FML badges
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jaime411's favorite FMLs
Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2011 at 9:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
by DocBastard / 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm / United States / Kids
by anonymous / 12/14/2011 at 12:42am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by reallyman__639 / 12/13/2011 at 7:26am / United States (District of Columbia) / Love
by Santa / 12/12/2011 at 4:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by ThisIsGonnaBeAwkward / 12/06/2011 at 10:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 1:45am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
by jessi / 12/02/2011 at 8:22am / United States / Kids
Today, I was called an 'inconsiderate scum bucket' by my neighbour because I allowed my loud alarm to go on too long before silencing it. The only reason that I sleep through my alarm is because I have to wear earplugs as they have their TV on maximum volume until 4am. FML
by Exhausted / 11/28/2011 at 1:07am / Iran Islamic Republic of / Miscellaneous
Today, I was looking through some old family pictures for a scrapbook I'm making. I found images of my dad passed out in his underwear, my great-grandpa having a drunken bath, and an unidentified moustachioed man sitting on the toilet, giving the photographer the finger. FML
by Meowingtons500 / 11/27/2011 at 11:02pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was practicing my lines for theater class in the hall. My partner and I chose a script where we argue over me stealing her boyfriend. Since it started to sound like a real argument, another student said that I was a "crazy bitch" and punched me in the face. FML
by hannahk267 / 11/18/2011 at 8:30am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was watching wrestling videos on YouTube, when my little brother walked in. Later, my little brother told my parents that I was watching naked men on my computer. They won't stop thinking that I was watching gay porn. FML
by Anonymous / 11/12/2011 at 9:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by StaplerScared / 11/08/2011 at 9:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2011 at 11:52am / United States / Kids
Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML
by Anonymous / 10/22/2011 at 7:26pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…