About jaime411 : Well hi there,
Imagine your on the back of a giant Tortise swimming across the pacific while small mutant Caterpillars sang a song to you from the tops of your shoulders.
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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34883) - you deserved it (6908)
On 04/26/2013 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, as I was walking down the street, a car full of hot girls pulled up and asked if I wanted to party; obviously, I said yes. They then shot at me with party poppers and threw party food all over me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37028) - you deserved it (7693)
On 04/26/2013 at 4:36am - misc - by KingUrge (man) - United States (California)
Today, my new landlord and lettings agent made an illegal entry into my house. Unfortunately, at the time my boyfriend was buck naked, smoking a joint on the sofa, surrounded by the cats we aren't supposed to have. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25968) - you deserved it (37688)
On 04/25/2013 at 2:28am - misc - by goingtobeevicted - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42051) - you deserved it (22984)
On 04/24/2013 at 6:29pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)
Today, I was sent to group therapy. A girl spent twenty minutes telling us horrible details of having been raised incestuously. A side effect of my new medication is yawning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37781) - you deserved it (2811)
On 04/24/2013 at 2:23am - health - by fiercehawk (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57604) - you deserved it (3436)
On 04/23/2013 at 4:17am - love - by mybossisanass (woman) - United States
Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44813) - you deserved it (7229)
On 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28568) - you deserved it (94414)
Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35667) - you deserved it (12259)
On 04/21/2013 at 10:56pm - misc - by Magicali (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48646) - you deserved it (2867)
On 04/21/2013 at 7:26pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was mugged by a street preacher. The same one who'd earlier in the day screamed at me for being an evil sinner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37821) - you deserved it (2815)
On 04/21/2013 at 6:27pm - money - by wallet? GONE (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was trying sell a customer a top-of-the-line surround sound system. Apparently he was aware that I work on commission, as he threatened to buy the system elsewhere unless I sang Rebecca Black's "Friday" in front of the whole store. Goodbye, self-respect. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37606) - you deserved it (4429)
On 04/21/2013 at 12:03pm - money - by a little less poor at least (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my grandmother tried to upstage me at my wedding by wearing an actual wedding dress because she "never had a real wedding". FML
I agree, your life sucks (47690) - you deserved it (3255)
On 04/21/2013 at 8:26am - misc - by gamerguru13 - United States (New York)
Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike. Instead of coming to my aid, the driver just laid on his horn and screamed out the window for me to move my ass, because he had places to be. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43419) - you deserved it (4273)
On 04/21/2013 at 12:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43748) - you deserved it (3707)
On 04/20/2013 at 7:08pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Monday 20 May 2013
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