About jaime411 : Well hi there,
Imagine your on the back of a giant Tortise swimming across the pacific while small mutant Caterpillars sang a song to you from the tops of your shoulders.
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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Today, I was stuck in my apartment complex's elevator. I was shouting out for help when a voice came screaming, "This is the fire department." I was relieved until he said, "Just kidding." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31772) - you deserved it (1935)
On 05/23/2013 at 1:11am - misc - by Mylifesucks - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36687) - you deserved it (2755)
On 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my mom took me to a bar to cheer me up after being dumped. Two cute guys around my age kept looking over at us the whole night. When I told my mom, she said she was going to get them to come talk to me. Instead, she ended up leaving with both of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39698) - you deserved it (3302)
On 05/22/2013 at 1:10pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21715) - you deserved it (31771)
On 05/21/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by crappingrapping - United States
Today, I had my first job as a wedding planner. I'd spent a year making sure everything was right. After the wedding my friend comforted me by saying, "You had to have known it wasn't going to be perfect." I knew that it wouldn't be perfect, but I had expected the groom to at least show up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34075) - you deserved it (2165)
On 05/21/2013 at 12:10am - work - by future walmart employee (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34166) - you deserved it (9572)
On 05/17/2013 at 10:59pm - love - by moo... -
Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36153) - you deserved it (9917)
On 05/17/2013 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my little brother gave me a candy bar for my birthday. After I ate the entire thing, he told me it was Ex-Lax and that I needed it because I'm "so full of shit". FML
I agree, your life sucks (40395) - you deserved it (6837)
On 05/17/2013 at 8:04am - misc - by Unlucky Individual - United States (California)
Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40361) - you deserved it (2421)
On 05/17/2013 at 5:25am - misc - by Jololol - United States
Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41564) - you deserved it (3291)
On 05/17/2013 at 3:21am - intimacy - by Uncomfortable (woman) -
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML
I agree, your life sucks (43264) - you deserved it (4500)
On 05/16/2013 at 5:23pm - love - by paging dr. kevorkian (man) - Netherlands
Today, I had to listen to yet another delusional fuckface at school bitch about how a girl he's interested in put him in the "friend-zone". I really couldn't focus on my work, so I tried to shut him up by saying he's an idiot, not least because she already has a boyfriend. I now have a black eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30180) - you deserved it (14046)
On 05/16/2013 at 4:31pm - health - by getafucktoysomewhereelsedude (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got a tattoo of the snake and staff medical symbol on my wrist. Now everyone keeps asking what illness I have; they think it's a medical bracelet substitute. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17631) - you deserved it (31127)
On 05/16/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by Calaraphea (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)
Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44355) - you deserved it (4242)
On 05/16/2013 at 6:24am - misc - by violatedbuttcrack - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my ex-boyfriend called my parents to let them know I broke up with him. He was sobbing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35142) - you deserved it (8175)
On 05/15/2013 at 11:16am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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