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jackrileymac

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jackrileymac
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 624
  • Number of comments : 76
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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jackrileymac's favorite FMLs

Today, I called my boyfriend to see if he wanted to come over to my house. He said he couldn't because he was out of town. That would have be perfectly acceptable, if I hadn't called him on his house phone. FML

#18032391
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33068) - you deserved it (2814)

On 10/20/2011 at 5:18pm - love - by cmd102 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

#17496000
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26625) - you deserved it (3228)

On 08/17/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

#17301663
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29710) - you deserved it (3314)

On 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

#17128085
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33180) - you deserved it (8187)

On 07/15/2011 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I introduced my first serious boyfriend to my mother over dinner. He is Asian. My mom insisted on calling him "Ching Chong". His name is Kevin. FML

#16918734
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46384) - you deserved it (4382)

On 06/30/2011 at 3:24am - misc - by asianlover (woman) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML

#16675127
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30055) - you deserved it (2706)

On 06/15/2011 at 9:37am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Sjelland)

Today, I had a sore throat, and I'd read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML

#16673731
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14143) - you deserved it (31552)

On 06/15/2011 at 5:02am - health - by Alec - United States

Today, we finally got wireless Internet. My mom won't let us open any doors or windows in fear that it might "let the Internet out". It's 103 degrees in here. FML

#16464662
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52830) - you deserved it (4073)

On 06/02/2011 at 5:45am - health - by meyo555 - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I finally found where the awful lingering stench in my house was coming from. My son thought it would be funny to piss in the baby's humidifier. He's 16. FML

#16111530
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25053) - you deserved it (6322)

On 05/09/2011 at 10:34pm - kids - by richkief76 -

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

#15817034
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40476) - you deserved it (7980)

On 04/17/2011 at 1:56am - intimacy - by rastafarimon (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got a huge bill through the post. It turns out that my elderly mother made the vet come out to my house to see the dog while I was out, because she was scared of the little growths she had found on his body. They were nipples. FML

#10925593
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25144) - you deserved it (1696)

On 06/02/2010 at 7:15pm - money - by dogshavenipples (man) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I found a piece of rice in my belly button. I can't remember the last time I ate or handled rice. FML

#7450166
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6517) - you deserved it (29540)

On 01/20/2010 at 12:30am - misc - by kerry (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML

#5721043
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7561) - you deserved it (20799)

On 10/08/2009 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got a lovely little surprise after I got out of the shower. That lovely little surprise? I got stung in the scrotum by a hornet that had decided to nestle itself inside the towel I was drying off with. FML

#4256905
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49266) - you deserved it (2542)

On 08/03/2009 at 2:48pm - misc - by Tyler (man) - United States

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

#125156
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55229) - you deserved it (6560)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by iliketurtles (man) - United States (California)



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