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j_mitchell25's FML badges
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j_mitchell25's favorite FMLs
Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to meet my family for the first time. We all got really drunk and he made out with my dad. This was day one and we don't fly back for another 16 days. FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 1:48pm / United States (Oregon) / Holidays
by titkip / 04/01/2016 at 8:30pm / Kenya (Nairobi Area) / Intimacy
Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML
by sadfantasy / 03/31/2016 at 2:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Anonymous / 03/28/2016 at 4:23pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 03/26/2016 at 11:36am / United States (Texas) / Love
by mel / 03/25/2016 at 9:20am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/24/2016 at 11:23am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I think my unborn child has developed a sense of humour. The little cherub is usually very calm, but must have realised that if he/she kicks me hard enough in this particular place near my bladder, I'll piss myself on the spot like a race horse. It's happened twice now. FML
by Spraylady / 02/29/2016 at 4:45pm / United Kingdom / Kids
by wet dreams / 02/12/2016 at 12:46pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I was playing Badminton in P.E, and I was paired with a particularly pretty girl, who for some reason kept asking stupid questions that we both knew the answers to. I've only now just realized that she was trying to initiate conversation with me. This is why I have no friends. FML
by oblivious idiot / 02/12/2016 at 2:50am / Love
Today, while I was cleaning, listening to music and sometimes singing along, I heard a knock on my front door. I turned off the music and opened the door to the police, who stated they had to investigate reports of "repeated female screams" coming from my apartment. I'm a 23 year old man. FML
by Anonymous / 02/11/2016 at 7:15pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML
by DarkChild / 02/11/2016 at 5:18pm / France / Kids
by abnormallyadam / 02/09/2016 at 8:08am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, I took my girlfriend out for a romantic dinner, since we can't see each other this Valentine's Day. Halfway through, my aunt called, telling me my grandma had died. I had to leave because I was crying so much, leaving my girlfriend with a very pricey bill. FML
by Anonymous / 02/09/2016 at 6:28am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by nofriends / 02/09/2016 at 12:17am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous