j_man35

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Offline (the 03/15/2015 at 2:54am)

j_man35

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  • Number of visits : 350
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

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j_man35's FML badges

The Mixer

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Keen reader – Level: student ninja

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j_man35's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out I sent several embarrassing videos while under the influence of the meds I was given while getting my wisdom teeth out. When I asked my mom why she didn't take my phone, she said she tried but I started whining and growling at her. FML

Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone, which I had left behind in lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years old." FML

by sad but true. / 04/15/2014 at 7:18pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2013 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend went in for her scheduled mammogram, and I sent her a text saying, "How're your boobies?" It was only after I sent it that I realized I'd sent it to my history professor. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I addressed my district manager as "Dude." FML

by goodbyepromotion / 08/30/2013 at 2:28am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML

by TNDriver / 07/16/2013 at 9:12am / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation

Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML

by harrington61 / 05/19/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was at church, when my mom's phone went off during the sermon. As if that wasn't humiliating enough for me, her ring tone was set to the Bed Intruder song. FML

by killme / 12/29/2012 at 5:33pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2012 at 9:53pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML

by Johnnogood / 10/09/2012 at 9:57am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

by Sprtsgeek13 / 09/13/2012 at 8:37am / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbor declared his love for me via "the medium of interpretative dance." FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2011 at 2:54am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML

by Lame / 07/09/2011 at 8:19pm / United States (New York) / Money

Today, I went for a job interview. I was asked if I wanted a drink. I have no idea why, but I replied "a bottle of milk please." FML

by bham boy / 04/20/2011 at 4:10am / Work

Today, I spent the first day of the new year helping out at an old folks home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Earnie; an 83 year old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML

by Username / 01/01/2011 at 6:21pm / United States (California) / Intimacy