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About izzie321 : Hello! My name is Izzie (Short for Isabella) I did MMA for awhile, I do track, I ride horses, and I play both Playstation and Xbox, but I prefer Playstation. I love my best friend, Mary Jane ;) I get pissed off easily so don't fuck with me. I'm bisexual and my kik is "boxerlola". NO NUDES. I REPEAT, NO NUDES. Don't molext me. That's not ok.
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Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML
Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML
Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML
Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML
Friday 19 December 2014