Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 09/14/2014 at 3:13pm) | Search for a member
About ivydindy13 : - Raised in the Caribbean, then went to Alaska
- USMC (SIGINT) joined as a dare, then it became my life.
- Baltimore Ravens is my team.
- Im an outdoor person. I love surfing, snowboarding, rock climbing, fishing, hunting, riding dirt bikes, skydiving... I will try it all at least once.
- Not a city person at all. Only big city I liked enough to live in was Boston. I prefer country.
- Loves: reggae, elephants, surfing, eating, reading, painting, lilies, being barefoot, beach, snow, the walking dead.
- Hates: reggaeton, rap, pink, dolls, scary movies, swimming in lakes (dead bodies), city life and the thing I hate more than anything in the world.... The Dallas Cowboys.
Anything else? Ask
Follow me on Instagram: jen_ivette
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML
Today, after getting back from my interior design class, I told my husband that I learned the golden rule for home decor: "Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful." He looked at me dead in the eyes, and didn't say a word. FML
Today, my neighbor had a word with me for being "loud in the bedroom" last night. I haven't had any action for two years now, but I was too happy that she thought I'd got lucky to tell her the truth. So what was I really doing last night? Trying to sing like Christina Aguilera. FML
Today, I went to pick up my goddaughter while her mother went to work. She was being fussy, and I was surprised when she was quiet in the car; I just figured she'd fallen asleep. I got to my house and realized I'd never put her in my car, she was still sitting in my friend's driveway. FML
Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML
Thursday 11 September 2014