itsmichellebitch

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itsmichellebitch

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 25 December 1999 (16 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1257
  • Number of comments : 31
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About itsmichellebitch : Rawr. I'm a dinosaur. Just kidding I'm a unicorn. You can message me if you wanna. Music is my life. I would literally die without it. I kinda love Bruno Mars. I love singing and acting. Takenn! Well that's it I guess. Byee.

itsmichellebitch's page activity

Visits<b>xlasxtchanxce13</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 10:30am<b>melons</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 4:55pm<b>dictatorofpotato</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 7:07pm<b>slim_banana</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 1:07am<b>dyazdani0720</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 1:59am<b>macday2015</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 1:49am<b>BaglMinionz</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 10:08am<b>WhosChaos</b> - the 09/13/2013 at 8:23am<b>eabsir2010</b> - the 09/08/2013 at 10:24pm<b>thisguy22</b> - the 07/30/2013 at 1:07am<b>Briittanii</b> - the 07/11/2013 at 3:00am<b>ssgirll98</b> - the 07/10/2013 at 10:03pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 07/08/2013 at 9:44pm<b>olpally</b> - the 07/08/2013 at 5:39pm<b>wafflerocket</b> - the 07/07/2013 at 8:06pm<b>TheRandomIndian</b> - the 07/07/2013 at 3:38pm<b>yadanax</b> - the 07/07/2013 at 3:46am<b>chargers2588</b> - the 07/05/2013 at 9:24pm

itsmichellebitch's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of itsmichellebitch's badges

itsmichellebitch's favorite FMLs

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly really awesome guy. It went quite well, until dessert came and he started telling me why bestiality "isn't really so wrong, you know?" Riiiggghhttt. Looks like I'm still single. FML

by kittyfiddlernono / 06/23/2013 at 3:39pm / Bulgaria (Pernik) / Love

Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 3:19pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, I was playing a video game that required me to hunt a few animals. My mom walked in, saw what I was doing, then went into her psycho vegan mode and started yelling at me. She basically grounded me for "murdering" pixels on a screen. FML

by welp, time to become an assassin / 06/23/2013 at 2:14pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

by o_O / 06/23/2013 at 1:26pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck / 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm / Guam / Miscellaneous

Today, it was the second anniversary of the day I met my girlfriend. I had to go to work, but I set an engagement ring and a letter on my pillow for when she woke up, and left breakfast for her on the counter. When I got home, she and all of her things were gone. FML

by foreveralone / 06/23/2013 at 10:42am / United States / Love

Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 6:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend announced to everyone at dinner that she was no longer a virgin. This was news to everyone: her parents, siblings, best friend, and me. FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 2:55am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, my wife made me moist cat food burgers as a prank. I didnt have the heart to tell her that they tasted better than the ones she usually makes. FML

by kittybad / 06/23/2013 at 1:05am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my creepy neighbor paid a guy to install a camera in my bathroom. It's been there for three months. The guy he paid? My brother. FML

by part time all the time / 06/23/2013 at 12:37am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working the graveyard shift at my hotel, it felt a little chilly, so I grabbed a blanket out of the box we usually store old blankets in. 20 minutes later, the live-in maintenance man casually remarked that those blankets are all infected with bed-bugs. FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 12:10am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, my dad invited our very cute neighbor inside to introduce him to me. I was wearing pajamas and hadn't showered in two days due to being extremely sick. FML

by Selina / 06/22/2013 at 6:59pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, while volunteering at a local museum, I politely told an elderly gentleman to have a nice day. He responded by yelling "NO" and storming off. Everyone looked at me like I was some sort of monster. FML

by me / 06/22/2013 at 5:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML

by Anonymous / 06/22/2013 at 4:55pm / United States / Health

Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML

by our kids will be derps / 06/22/2013 at 3:28pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous