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Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13284) - you deserved it (104484)
On 05/24/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by AyoitsSteveo (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17813) - you deserved it (192667)
On 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by karmasabitch (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I released some ducks I had hand raised with my sisters at a local lake. They were raised around my huge German Shepherd, which explains why they didn't freak out when two huge dogs came out of no where and killed three of them, in front of my little sisters. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45480) - you deserved it (4957)
On 05/07/2009 at 10:18am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24398) - you deserved it (103096)
On 05/07/2009 at 7:36am - animals - by MJ3105 (man) - Israel
Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30745) - you deserved it (75099)
On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. The girl I met last night came in and said "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9646) - you deserved it (119824)
On 04/04/2009 at 10:42am - love - by Jamie (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, was my 16th birthday. Needless to say, I was delighted when my friends presented me with a birthday card in a homeroom. I pretended to be surprised and exclaimed, "Aw, you guys really shouldn't have!" They didn't. It was our teacher's birthday. They just wanted me to sign the card. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49155) - you deserved it (3535)
On 04/02/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by happyeffingbday202 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I had to log in to my computer on a projector in front of business associates at my dad's architecture firm. I typed in my username and apparently didn't hit the tab key hard enough, so I typed my password in the username box. The entire firm now knows my password is "tits123". FML
I agree, your life sucks (12287) - you deserved it (55903)
On 03/27/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53358) - you deserved it (418567)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27624) - you deserved it (101652)
On 03/20/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by Jesse (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, as I was bagging groceries, I looked down to see a 6-year-old urinating on my shoes and the floor next to me. I told his mother that he should take her kid to the restroom, only to be told to "mind my own goddamn business." I was later fired for arguing with the customer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (115586) - you deserved it (4219)
On 03/09/2009 at 10:00pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18659) - you deserved it (101167)
On 03/05/2009 at 2:33pm - health - by ubbernoob (man) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, I got an email from my professor with my grade for a paper. It said, "Solid writing, but you should have proofread your final draft more carefully." In a moment of annoyance, I typed in the reply box, "God should have proofread your FACE more carefully." My elbow hit the send button. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11670) - you deserved it (48472)
On 02/21/2009 at 4:43pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Texas)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (178161) - you deserved it (61489)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Today, I started a fight at a lesbian bar and lost. I'm a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11621) - you deserved it (65020)
On 02/15/2009 at 5:43am - misc - by Mofisto (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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