Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 09/24/2014 at 4:32am) | Search for a member
About itsame0987 : I am very opinionated, and love to debate. I am a computer and video game nerd. My favorite game is Madden (any version).
To my friends, family, and coworkers I am known as the queen of random facts. I love to study everything, and am currently working on learning more about cars. I would love to be able to do my own work on my car so I don't have to go to the mechanic to fix problems with it.
I am a die-hard football fan, part of being born and raised in Alabama, and I say Roll Tide. I watch so many games every week that I pick up on tendencies of teams and by the middle of the season I can pretty well tell what plays they are going to run based on the formation and situation in the game. (Yes I am that obsessed)
I am taken, and am in the best relationship I have ever been in. Anything else you want to know just ask.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I dated smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, I made a fake Facebook account for a girl, and then set my relationship status to make it look like the fake person was my girlfriend. Someone found out and hacked the fake account. My fake girlfriend just dumped me over Facebook. FML
Today, after spending hours wrapping the presents for Christmas, I came back into the room to find that my dog had lost his toy, knocked over all the presents, and was frantically ripping at everything to find it. FML
Today, I went to dinner to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I received a text message, so I pulled out my phone to check. Apparently, his parents have a "No phone at the table rule" and took my phone away until I can learn "proper table manners." FML
Today, I took my last final on a Scantron sheet with 200 multiple choice questions, with seconds to spare. When I finished the last question, I saw I had another bubble to fill in and I didn't know where I screwed up. FML
Today, my landlord came to my apartment because of complaints from my neighbors, saying that animals are not allowed inside. Turns out my roommate makes cat-noises when she's bored. My landlord still doesn't believe me. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
Friday 12 December 2014