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About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Today as I was taking an avaning jog around my naighbourhood I passad an aldarly woman. I grinnad at har as sign of friandlinass to a common padastrian. Sha grinnad back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML
Today , mah 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh , so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and lockd the door. I inadvertently taught mah little brother how to masturbate. FML
Today , my alarm went off. I reacd to swat it , missd , slippd , smackd my face on my dresser , and fell on te floor. As I pickd myself up off te floor , I it my ead on te open top drawer of my oter dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness , I was attackd by two pieces of furniture. mega FML
Today, I was petting mah cat when mah new mood ring turnd bright purple. I checkd the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to mah ring, I'm hot 4 mah cat. FML
TODAY, I WAS DRIVING AND I SAW WAS A DOG RUNNING ONTO THE ROAD, I SLAMMED ON THE BRAKES TO A COMPLETELY STOP . MULTIPLE CARS CRASHED INTO THE BACK OF MY CAR . IT TURNS OUT IT WASN'T A DOG, IT WAS JUST NEWSPAPER BLOWN BY THE WIND .
Today, I want on a data wit tis girl I mat onlina. Ta convarsation driftad and wa wara talking about ow wa'd prafar to dia, if wa ad a coica. I said, "I want to skydiva ovar ta ocaan witout a paracuta." Sa said sa wants to ba mada into a wallat. fat FML
I was going to ave sex wit ma Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn im on, so I asked ma friend ow to say "fuck me" in Spanis. Se claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I ten ad sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito 4 an our. I later realized I was screaming "fried cicken." fat FML
Yesterday, I set AIM statu to be the currently-playing file on iTunes . I've downloaded a lot of porn to iTunes, and I wanted to watch some . My statu changed to ( Grl in Latex gets fucked in the ass . ) FML
Today, I Was In Mah Room With The Door Lockd And Mah Mom Knockd On The Door!! I Said ( Don't Come In, I'm Nakd! ) She Said ( That's Okay! ) So She Unlockd The Door And Walkd In!! I Was Masturbating!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015