About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.
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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
itsalanis's favorite FMLs
Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school saying "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits". FML
by Anonymous / 12/12/2009 at 6:02am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML
by fatguyinalittlecoat / 12/08/2009 at 2:09pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by cookscatastrophy / 12/08/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by fartlover / 11/27/2009 at 12:10am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, the company offering the job position that I've been applying for called me up. I wasn't there to answer so they got redirected to my voice mail in which I'm acting like a drunk David Hasselhoff chewing on a cheeseburger. They called me 5 times. FML
by Mr IT / 11/23/2009 at 8:47pm / Sweden (Vastmanlands Lan) / Work
by lonewolf2701 / 11/22/2009 at 4:15am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was running a meeting feeling very stressed. I grabbed my stress ball out of my bag, squeezing it vigorously throughout the meeting. When I stood up to talk my stress ball exploded all over my new black suit and the desk. So much for relieving stress. FML
by Anonymous / 11/17/2009 at 2:21am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by yellowjacket_34 / 11/13/2009 at 12:47pm / United States (Montana) / Health
by neuroticallyours / 11/12/2009 at 2:11am / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML
by DangerZone / 11/11/2009 at 10:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, I realized that not everyone in the office needs to hear my explosive diarrhea through the a/c vents that interconnect through the entire building. I think an email was sent around, describing people's reactions in detail. FML
by Anonymous / 10/26/2009 at 11:15pm / United States (California) / Work
by userrrrr / 10/17/2009 at 10:25pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by shocked / 10/12/2009 at 10:52am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML
by Sneezy123 / 10/05/2009 at 10:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was really, REALLY tired at work. I went to the restroom to take a little break, and must have dozed off, because I was awoken by my boss, knocking on the door of the stall. Apparently, I had been snoring. FML
by sleepytime / 10/05/2009 at 12:36pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, a sweet old man came knocking. He asked about my elderly neighbor who he has been trying to… Today, I learned that if a friend ever suggests you sleep with her boyfriend, it's probably because… Today, I went to a grad school fair. Tuition costs more than I make in a year. I'm thirty. I think…