Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (24 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7823
  • Number of comments : 216
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>2C0OL4SCH0OL</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 12:24am<b>Senra</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 12:46am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 11:43pm<b>MiLM</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 11:45am<b>seninaa</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 5:04pm<b>boostedc</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 2:10pm<b>firecracker5</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 12:35am<b>Artigedude65</b> - the 10/17/2015 at 6:20am<b>Threnody666</b> - the 10/15/2015 at 9:26am<b>WildTom</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 12:50pm<b>kkorn051212</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 10:44pm<b>Lalala579121</b> - the 09/30/2015 at 12:04am<b>kittina</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 3:23pm<b>siham_maghrabia</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 3:41am<b>leogachi</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 2:39am<b>MRSwick2525</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 9:25pm<b>neneluvsyooh</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 6:36pm<b>kutchbabe</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 6:06pm

Fucked!<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 5:43am<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges


Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, while on the road I saw a turtle in the middle of the other lane. I slammed on my brakes and got out, holding up and pissing off several drivers on both sides of the highway. Getting closer to the turtle, I realized that it was not a turtle at all, but a very large pile of dog shit. FML


I agree, your life sucks (19513) - you deserved it (44372)

On 06/23/2009 at 12:44am - animals - by Xtine (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML


I agree, your life sucks (58828) - you deserved it (6898)

On 06/22/2009 at 9:32am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML


I agree, your life sucks (13591) - you deserved it (119953)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML


I agree, your life sucks (152286) - you deserved it (11234)

On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML


I agree, your life sucks (70611) - you deserved it (15676)

On 06/11/2009 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by hdat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML


I agree, your life sucks (129825) - you deserved it (78199)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML


I agree, your life sucks (39315) - you deserved it (64989)

On 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Cail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML


I agree, your life sucks (24859) - you deserved it (78803)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)

Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML


I agree, your life sucks (62689) - you deserved it (6147)

On 05/30/2009 at 12:24am - kids - by sdasdflkjas (woman) - United States

Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML


I agree, your life sucks (17497) - you deserved it (54867)

On 05/18/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by nothing (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

C comme Line's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #20
  • Here we are in November! Winter is here, for most of us, it's dark, grey and depressing and if you're the kind of person who watches network news 24/7, you're probably going to need some cheering up.…

Monday 30 November 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: