About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
itsalanis's favorite FMLs
by fartlover / 11/27/2009 at 12:10am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, the company offering the job position that I've been applying for called me up. I wasn't there to answer so they got redirected to my voice mail in which I'm acting like a drunk David Hasselhoff chewing on a cheeseburger. They called me 5 times. FML
by Mr IT / 11/23/2009 at 8:47pm / Sweden (Vastmanlands Lan) / Work
by lonewolf2701 / 11/22/2009 at 4:15am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was running a meeting feeling very stressed. I grabbed my stress ball out of my bag, squeezing it vigorously throughout the meeting. When I stood up to talk my stress ball exploded all over my new black suit and the desk. So much for relieving stress. FML
by Anonymous / 11/17/2009 at 2:21am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by yellowjacket_34 / 11/13/2009 at 12:47pm / United States (Montana) / Health
by neuroticallyours / 11/12/2009 at 2:11am / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML
by DangerZone / 11/11/2009 at 10:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, I realized that not everyone in the office needs to hear my explosive diarrhea through the a/c vents that interconnect through the entire building. I think an email was sent around, describing people's reactions in detail. FML
by Anonymous / 10/26/2009 at 11:15pm / United States (California) / Work
by userrrrr / 10/17/2009 at 10:25pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by shocked / 10/12/2009 at 10:52am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML
by Sneezy123 / 10/05/2009 at 10:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was really, REALLY tired at work. I went to the restroom to take a little break, and must have dozed off, because I was awoken by my boss, knocking on the door of the stall. Apparently, I had been snoring. FML
by sleepytime / 10/05/2009 at 12:36pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall with a note saying "Sorry Dude". FML
by Anonymous / 10/05/2009 at 1:11am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation
Today, during the opening night performance of our schools musical, while I wasn't on stage I decided to use the restroom. I came out to find two of my fellow actresses putting their hands over my mouth. Apparently, I had left my microphone on and everyone heard me using the restroom. FML
by Porcelain / 10/03/2009 at 9:47am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in a video chat with an old friend who I haven't talked to in years, and my mom walks in. The first thing she says is, "Did you close the toilet after you pooped? Cause today on the news I heard that your poop particles can fly up to 25 feet, landing on your toothbrush." FML
by Poop / 10/01/2009 at 9:09pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health