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itsalanis

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itsalanis

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3040
  • Number of comments : 162
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to call me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>ctck</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 8:05pm<b>RandEm2497</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 9:06pm<b>crushcrusher</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 7:08pm<b>Dro23</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 1:08pm<b>edvin</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 11:41am<b>shaquizzy18</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 11:19am<b>sythe511</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 7:58pm<b>GentlemanBastard</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 12:58pm<b>Rernokk</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 3:48am<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 5:06pm<b>KazuTrumpet1512</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 4:03am<b>Aleys</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 8:46pm<b>Clay_Pidgeon</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 6:17pm<b>gantoman</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 5:43pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 4:53pm<b>siberianhamster</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 10:51am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 10:35am<b>arrrrrlennie</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 4:10am

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You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

#343744
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17881) - you deserved it (72824)

On 03/15/2009 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML

#287682
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (134443) - you deserved it (20203)

On 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

#278978
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72778) - you deserved it (10337)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:30pm - misc - by MoneyMike (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

#278861
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22608) - you deserved it (73195)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:26pm - intimacy - by HansonLUVR (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have our first "Cybering" experience. I downloaded Skype per his instructions, and hooked up my cam. Just as everything started getting hot and heavy, I farted. He stopped and frowned. I had no idea it was a video AND voice program. FML

#271992
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18852) - you deserved it (85014)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:35pm - intimacy - by awkwardgayboi (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

#242557
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50811) - you deserved it (9792)

On 03/08/2009 at 3:08pm - kids - by nutsucker (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML

#234103
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55386) - you deserved it (17714)

On 03/07/2009 at 1:28pm - kids - by Dang-ItsDanielle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I put my picture into a celebrity look alike website. The three matches that came up were Barbra Streisand, Hillary Clinton, and Boy George. I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

#224033
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48903) - you deserved it (6623)

On 03/06/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by oconron (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

#159600
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1144880) - you deserved it (115380)

On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

#132176
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20589) - you deserved it (37256)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by riappp (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

#125152
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16948) - you deserved it (44233)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML

#90754
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17210) - you deserved it (112920)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
504 comments

I agree, your life sucks (231337) - you deserved it (81132)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, I greeted a mom and a little girl at the place where I work. The little girl looks at me, looks back at her mom, and says, "Mommy, I hate people." FML

#19635
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32819) - you deserved it (2301)

On 02/10/2009 at 12:58am - misc - by neversayhiagain (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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