About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
itsalanis's favorite FMLs
Today, I was texting this guy that I hooked up with yesterday. We were gonna do it again but he had basketball practice. I was talking to my friend about it, and sent her a text saying "Oh well. I have explosive diarrhea anyways." She wasn't replying, so I checked my sent box. I sent it to him. FML
by weeble_wobbles09 / 01/08/2010 at 12:09am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by sadface / 01/04/2010 at 1:43am / Australia (South Australia) / Health
by arachnidphobia / 01/02/2010 at 10:22pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by ScarredForLife / 12/25/2009 at 1:28am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
by shallowvomit1013 / 12/22/2009 at 8:09pm / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
by funyfunkid / 12/22/2009 at 2:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by sillygoose / 12/13/2009 at 10:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school saying "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits". FML
by Anonymous / 12/12/2009 at 6:02am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML
by fatguyinalittlecoat / 12/08/2009 at 2:09pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by cookscatastrophy / 12/08/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by fartlover / 11/27/2009 at 12:10am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, the company offering the job position that I've been applying for called me up. I wasn't there to answer so they got redirected to my voice mail in which I'm acting like a drunk David Hasselhoff chewing on a cheeseburger. They called me 5 times. FML
by Mr IT / 11/23/2009 at 8:47pm / Sweden (Vastmanlands Lan) / Work
by lonewolf2701 / 11/22/2009 at 4:15am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was running a meeting feeling very stressed. I grabbed my stress ball out of my bag, squeezing it vigorously throughout the meeting. When I stood up to talk my stress ball exploded all over my new black suit and the desk. So much for relieving stress. FML
by Anonymous / 11/17/2009 at 2:21am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by yellowjacket_34 / 11/13/2009 at 12:47pm / United States (Montana) / Health