About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.
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itsalanis's favorite FMLs
by CheeseMonsters / 01/24/2010 at 7:28am / United Kingdom (Reading) / Animals
Today, I was in the line at Chipotle and noticed a very attractive lady in her mid 20's. I deliberately took the table next to her and her friend and happened to overhear what they were talking about. They were both discussing how much diarrhea they were going to have when they got home. FML
by maximus / 01/19/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister won a bet. She bet my best friend a burrito that I wouldn't lose my virginity within a year. I am twenty and have to drive my friend to Del Taco so he can buy my sister her victory burrito cause I didn't get laid. FML
by Upbrakie / 01/12/2010 at 8:09am / United States / Intimacy
by wowhoopla / 01/10/2010 at 8:10pm / Miscellaneous
Today, two weeks after reporting our car was broken into, the police showed up to our flat. They came to inform us that our car was was broken into. We explained that we knew this and reported it weeks ago. Apparently, it was broken into again, and set on fire this time. FML
by zenithbelana / 01/10/2010 at 2:01am / United States (Maryland) / Transportation
Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML
by Michelle / 01/09/2010 at 11:11am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, as I went to the bathroom in a port-a-potty at a park, I forgot to lock the door. A little girl opens the door and then slams it right away. As she walked away I heard her say "no, there's a man in there". I'm a woman. FML
by crappy_day / 01/08/2010 at 9:09pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was texting this guy that I hooked up with yesterday. We were gonna do it again but he had basketball practice. I was talking to my friend about it, and sent her a text saying "Oh well. I have explosive diarrhea anyways." She wasn't replying, so I checked my sent box. I sent it to him. FML
by weeble_wobbles09 / 01/08/2010 at 12:09am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by sadface / 01/04/2010 at 1:43am / Australia (South Australia) / Health
by arachnidphobia / 01/02/2010 at 10:22pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by ScarredForLife / 12/25/2009 at 1:28am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
by shallowvomit1013 / 12/22/2009 at 8:09pm / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
by funyfunkid / 12/22/2009 at 2:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by sillygoose / 12/13/2009 at 10:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…