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itsalanis

Offline (19 hours ago) | Search for a member

itsalanis

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 11 June 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6047
  • Number of comments : 171
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>Indecisionx</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 8:10pm<b>FleibenHolden</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 12:44pm<b>aclark2523</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 9:39pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 3:17pm<b>CoraJ</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 10:33pm<b>Jillian369</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 2:45pm<b>brendejafulable</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 12:38pm<b>njbane</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 3:36pm<b>Tanman334</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 2:11am<b>Wolfparable</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 9:46am<b>ruckfules85</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 9:26am<b>trinalporpus</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 9:41pm<b>Zelphoric</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 5:16pm<b>MrCafe</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 6:54pm<b>GoodOptions</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 4:27pm<b>sam882</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 3:31pm<b>itsalise</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 2:55pm<b>sammy1021</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 2:12pm

Fucked!<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

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itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I received multiple phone calls asking how much my Siamese cat cost. Too bad I never had a Siamese cat - let alone a Siamese cat up for sale. Turns out the guy I prank phone called the other day didn't appreciate it and put my number on Craigslist with an add for a Siamese cat. FML

#8078249
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5081) - you deserved it (53630)

On 02/10/2010 at 1:39am - animals - by AUDONEE (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was in the car with my 16 year old daughter. There was a guy on a fast looking motorcycle next to me at the stop light. I yelled to him to "get it up!" so that he would do a wheelie. Just before the light turned green he yelled back, "You're too old for me, but I'll get it up for her!" FML

#7897076
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8303) - you deserved it (27622)

On 02/05/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a 9 hour train journey through the Polish mountains, I mistook a small black and white cat for a penguin. FML

#7753141
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6284) - you deserved it (23382)

On 01/31/2010 at 7:21pm - animals - by saintmichi (woman) - Poland (Malopolskie)

Today, I'm in the hospital because I sliced my leg open. Why? I jumped off my bed and scratched myself on the metal bed frame when Miss America was crowned to Miss Virginia. I'm 20 years old, and a man. FML

#7744599
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7686) - you deserved it (30448)

On 01/31/2010 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML

#7698820
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11014) - you deserved it (32070)

On 01/30/2010 at 3:47am - misc - by Wowsers. (woman) - United Kingdom (Blackpool)

Today, I woke up with a hangover. I had a party last night. Besides a stolen TV, someone seemingly decided to take a dump in my piano. FML

#7637275
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13437) - you deserved it (25770)

On 01/28/2010 at 6:00am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Telemark)

Today, I found out my girlfriend and her best friend compare the dumps they take to common transportation. They comment about it on each others facebook page. My girlfriend's last one was apparently a 'coach bus'. FML

#7600232
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20670) - you deserved it (3273)

On 01/26/2010 at 10:14pm - health - by poops - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML

#7563904
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30857) - you deserved it (4383)

On 01/25/2010 at 3:47am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML

#7556761
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16751) - you deserved it (41883)

On 01/24/2010 at 10:31pm - misc - by Ben (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to get my friend a drink while she sat in the lounge watching TV with my dog. When I came back, I found her licking my dogs ears. She said he dared her to do it. FML

#7540376
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26307) - you deserved it (2976)

On 01/24/2010 at 7:28am - animals - by CheeseMonsters (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, I was in the line at Chipotle and noticed a very attractive lady in her mid 20's. I deliberately took the table next to her and her friend and happened to overhear what they were talking about. They were both discussing how much diarrhea they were going to have when they got home. FML

#7442500
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8537) - you deserved it (27184)

On 01/19/2010 at 7:08pm - misc - by maximus (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my sister won a bet. She bet my best friend a burrito that I wouldn't lose my virginity within a year. I am twenty and have to drive my friend to Del Taco so he can buy my sister her victory burrito cause I didn't get laid. FML

#7336575
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16983) - you deserved it (3728)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:47am - intimacy - by Jaayoung23 - Sent from mobile version

Today, some drunk dude broke into my house while my parents were out. Scared, I asked him what he wanted, his response was "cookies." FML

#7264308
184 comments

Today, two weeks after reporting our car was broken into, the police showed up to our flat. They came to inform us that our car was was broken into. We explained that we knew this and reported it weeks ago. Apparently, it was broken into again, and set on fire this time. FML

#7251449
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28925) - you deserved it (1742)

On 01/10/2010 at 2:01am - misc - by zenithbelana (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML

#7234315
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25703) - you deserved it (2982)

On 01/09/2010 at 11:11am - health - by Michelle (woman) - United States (New York)



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