About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
itsalanis's favorite FMLs
Today, I tried on the new dress I bought for myself. I, for once, thought I looked pretty all right. I asked my dog, "How do I look?" and she threw up on my pillow. My brother can't stop laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 11/14/2010 at 4:42am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump. After coming home from work, I check my facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet, with the caption: "This is what Taco Bell does." FML
by tanya / 10/25/2010 at 8:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was shopping for pillows at Bed Bath and Beyond. My husband playfully picked up a pillow pretending to start a pillow fight. I grabbed the largest pillow and chased him with it. When I finally caught up with him, a manager came around the corner. I was escorted out. FML
by sofakingweetodit / 10/18/2010 at 7:52am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/17/2010 at 1:55am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, my sister and I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to "just got released from hospital with Baby Lily", as I'd had a baby earlier this week. My sister set hers to "menstrual blood smells like shrimp". Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML
by married / 10/16/2010 at 8:31am / United States (Connecticut) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/09/2010 at 1:15am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Intimacy
by mylifesuckssss / 10/09/2010 at 12:39am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, after a promotion at work, my new manager made me reset my password for a website we use. To do so, I had to answer the secret question I’d set two years prior. The question was "What is your favorite activity?" The answer I had to type out in front of my manager was "Drinking." FML
by T. / 09/30/2010 at 10:07am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, I took my dogs to an empty park. While they were running around, I laid down in the grass to read a book. Someone thought I was a dead body and called the cops. The police and paramedics showed up. This is the second time it's happened. FML
by tracie / 09/21/2010 at 8:00pm / United States (Kansas) / Animals
by gorillalove / 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my family and I attended a pool party. I never learned to swim, so I didn't bring a suit. When someone asked why I wasn't in the pool, my sister replied in a loud voice, "She's on her period and didn't want the pool to get dirty!" Thanks. FML
by Anonymous / 09/08/2010 at 2:09pm / Greece (Attiki) / Health
by MisterMisinformed / 09/01/2010 at 12:30am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
by teacher / 08/31/2010 at 10:50am / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML
by FYouBoyfriend / 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy