About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
itsalanis's favorite FMLs
Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML
by Anonymous / 07/26/2011 at 10:05am / United Kingdom / Health
by j / 07/25/2011 at 10:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 07/22/2011 at 2:29am / United States (Texas) / Love
by Username / 07/15/2011 at 3:51pm / United States / Health
by Joe / 07/08/2011 at 2:48pm / United States / Intimacy
by Kate / 07/04/2011 at 3:06pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to videotape his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML
by WasteOMoney / 07/03/2011 at 9:50pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by ashleyrae / 06/29/2011 at 10:55am / United States (Mississippi) / Miscellaneous
Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML
by girlshavepenises / 06/28/2011 at 2:39am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy
by suxx / 06/25/2011 at 4:39am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, as I was mowing my neighbors lawn, I found the playboy magazine he left in his yard. I found it with the mower. I spent the next hour picking up little shards of naked women for no extra pay. FML
by / 06/16/2011 at 10:43am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by MegaBear / 06/15/2011 at 1:46am / United States / Work
Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML
by notinthebutt / 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money
by wtf / 06/09/2011 at 11:04am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh) / Health
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML
by zain / 06/04/2011 at 2:15am / United States (Texas) / Work
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I've been living in Germany for several weeks now. My classmates still cannot pronounce my… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the…