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itsalanis

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itsalanis

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 8087
  • Number of comments : 226
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>22JB</b> - yesterday at 3:49pm<b>lenardMcCravits</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 8:20pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 11:47am<b>invadermaythe1st</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 8:08am<b>ChippyChoppy</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 5:28am<b>OwlsMakeBowels</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 10:57am<b>wolfchick1709</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 3:55am<b>PDSot</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 7:59pm<b>vsus98</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 5:25pm<b>sythe511</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 1:59pm<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 2:47am<b>Lalala579121</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 9:33pm<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 11:46pm<b>2C0OL4SCH0OL</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 12:24am<b>Senra</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 12:46am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 11:43pm<b>MiLM</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 11:45am<b>seninaa</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 5:04pm

Fucked!<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 8:47am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 5:43am<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

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itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I shat out a staple. FML

#16576766
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40951) - you deserved it (17441)

On 06/09/2011 at 11:04am - health - by wtf - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

#16494046
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48004) - you deserved it (3549)

On 06/04/2011 at 2:15am - work - by zain - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she takes the shower head and starts spraying my penis with it. I asked her "what are you doing?" Her response: "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML

#16399874
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64789) - you deserved it (13509)

On 05/29/2011 at 10:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my grandfather, who is a retired Marine, has paid real money to buy ALL the Lady Gaga themed items for his farm in FarmVille. I don't know what's worse, that he did it, or that I'm jealous of not having that stuff. FML

#16261628
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27435) - you deserved it (8422)

On 05/20/2011 at 12:12am - misc - by Mandy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was riding my long board. A few feet from me an attractive girl was riding one too, in the same direction. We made eye contact right as I slammed into a light pole. She then fell because she was laughing so hard. FML

#16136002
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34724) - you deserved it (9463)

On 05/11/2011 at 10:01pm - love - by TheNerd (man) - United States (California)

Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML

#16074880
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14678) - you deserved it (60016)

On 05/07/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by Anon (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, I was told that I am an incredibly boring person and that it's no wonder I have no friends. I think they're right; last night I dreamt about a nail file. FML

#16064729
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32130) - you deserved it (6949)

On 05/06/2011 at 3:25am - misc - by goinginsane -

Today, my husband and I had the grand opening to our new winery. We had a big sign out front saying "FREE GRAPES", to try and get more people interested. People kept giving us dirty looks when passing. We later realized there was something covering the "G". FML

#15903380
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36596) - you deserved it (10040)

On 04/24/2011 at 12:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

#15852262
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53532) - you deserved it (8432)

On 04/19/2011 at 10:21pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that potato chips are made from potatoes. I'm 26. FML

#15803109
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12561) - you deserved it (82133)

On 04/16/2011 at 1:14am - misc - by Username - United States (California)

Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML

#15738282
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22683) - you deserved it (71632)

On 04/11/2011 at 9:16am - intimacy - by CheeseyPotatoes (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I attended a funeral. During the minute of silence, my phone went off. My ringtone is "It's good to be alive". FML

#15616538
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21388) - you deserved it (57094)

On 04/03/2011 at 3:02am - misc - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was driving home at night, and got into an accident. Someone had left a toilet in the middle of the road. I hit it. The toilet's fine, but my car now has a toilet-shaped dent in the front. FML

#15431465
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35378) - you deserved it (6234)

On 03/22/2011 at 1:10pm - misc - by jballer - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML

#15355329
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47633) - you deserved it (9142)

On 03/17/2011 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by Mr. Sensitive Nips - United States (Texas)

Today, I rushed my dog to the vet because he was foaming at the mouth. I returned home with a bill for $200 and a dog who apparently has a thing for marshmallows. FML

#15198573
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32822) - you deserved it (6176)

On 03/04/2011 at 5:57pm - money - by duncanisgey - Canada (Manitoba)



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