Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

itsalanis

Offline (16 hours ago) | Search for a member

itsalanis

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7237
  • Number of comments : 193
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>ellomoto0000</b> - 2 hours ago<b>mthomasmillerr</b> - 17 hours ago<b>wolfheartmoon</b> - 20 hours ago<b>vikky538</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 8:57am<b>Darkblade21</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:37am<b>rpgman83</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 11:18pm<b>shay_serendipity</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 11:15pm<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 10:05pm<b>jaydoug92</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 10:27pm<b>moondoggie</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 11:54pm<b>sma30135</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 2:06am<b>Atheepic</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 4:30pm<b>wil1029</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 1:22pm<b>leeleeamber</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 3:46am<b>BunchieRules</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 9:53pm<b>jbizzle1987</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 9:01pm<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 12:54am<b>burnsky</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 11:00pm

Fucked!<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I was riding my long board. A few feet from me an attractive girl was riding one too, in the same direction. We made eye contact right as I slammed into a light pole. She then fell because she was laughing so hard. FML

#16136002
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33902) - you deserved it (9351)

On 05/11/2011 at 10:01pm - love - by TheNerd (man) - United States (California)

Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML

#16074880
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14405) - you deserved it (59267)

On 05/07/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by Anon (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, I was told that I am an incredibly boring person and that it's no wonder I have no friends. I think they're right; last night I dreamt about a nail file. FML

#16064729
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31348) - you deserved it (6861)

On 05/06/2011 at 3:25am - misc - by goinginsane -

Today, my husband and I had the grand opening to our new winery. We had a big sign out front saying "FREE GRAPES", to try and get more people interested. People kept giving us dirty looks when passing. We later realized there was something covering the "G". FML

#15903380
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35660) - you deserved it (9903)

On 04/24/2011 at 12:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

#15852262
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52534) - you deserved it (8339)

On 04/19/2011 at 10:21pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that potato chips are made from potatoes. I'm 26. FML

#15803109
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11016) - you deserved it (77291)

On 04/16/2011 at 1:14am - misc - by Username - United States (California)

Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML

#15738282
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22093) - you deserved it (70607)

On 04/11/2011 at 9:16am - intimacy - by CheeseyPotatoes (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I attended a funeral. During the minute of silence, my phone went off. My ringtone is "It's good to be alive". FML

#15616538
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19469) - you deserved it (53541)

On 04/03/2011 at 3:02am - misc - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was driving home at night, and got into an accident. Someone had left a toilet in the middle of the road. I hit it. The toilet's fine, but my car now has a toilet-shaped dent in the front. FML

#15431465
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32445) - you deserved it (5918)

On 03/22/2011 at 1:10pm - misc - by jballer - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I rushed my dog to the vet because he was foaming at the mouth. I returned home with a bill for $200 and a dog who apparently has a thing for marshmallows. FML

#15198573
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31988) - you deserved it (6085)

On 03/04/2011 at 5:57pm - money - by duncanisgey - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

#15184059
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39416) - you deserved it (24348)

On 03/03/2011 at 6:22am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my parents in the kitchen talking about how they wanted to try anal tonight. There is over three and a half feet of snow outside, leaving me no way to escape the horrible sounds and mental images yet to come. FML

#15141244
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50257) - you deserved it (3997)

On 02/27/2011 at 4:42pm - intimacy - by Sam (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

#15079652
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22412) - you deserved it (34132)

On 02/22/2011 at 4:02pm - intimacy - by CutieBooty (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I just pulled out of the fast food drive through, only to pull right behind a septic truck. Just as I was about to dig into my food, I noticed it had a handy window about a foot round. I had a stare-down with a turd until I could pass. FML

#14990064
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21834) - you deserved it (3721)

On 02/15/2011 at 12:13pm - misc - by Goatbeard (man) - United States (California)

Today, during dinner, my family had a discussion about the color of poop. FML

#14984577
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29289) - you deserved it (4414)

On 02/15/2011 at 12:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: