Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

itsalanis

Offline (15 hours ago) | Search for a member

itsalanis

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 8113
  • Number of comments : 227
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>battousai1995</b> - 14 hours ago<b>ievster</b> - 19 hours ago<b>Steffi3</b> - 21 hours ago<b>22JB</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 3:49pm<b>lenardMcCravits</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 8:20pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 11:47am<b>invadermaythe1st</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 8:08am<b>ChippyChoppy</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 5:28am<b>OwlsMakeBowels</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 10:57am<b>wolfchick1709</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 3:55am<b>PDSot</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 7:59pm<b>vsus98</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 5:25pm<b>sythe511</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 1:59pm<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 2:47am<b>Lalala579121</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 9:33pm<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 11:46pm<b>2C0OL4SCH0OL</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 12:24am<b>Senra</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 12:46am

Fucked!<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 8:47am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 5:43am<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML

#17298828
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33267) - you deserved it (6109)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:17pm - animals - by Username - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML

#17281952
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41064) - you deserved it (5991)

On 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by Nickname (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, some ballbag broke into my house just to take my broom. FML

#17278350
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30084) - you deserved it (2966)

On 07/27/2011 at 9:50am - misc - by kelsjenks - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

#17266152
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23216) - you deserved it (2876)

On 07/26/2011 at 10:05am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I ran out of gas while driving, and had to call a tow truck. I drive a tow truck. FML

#17259665
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17485) - you deserved it (28772)

On 07/25/2011 at 10:03pm - misc - by j - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

#17213168
376 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12240) - you deserved it (102274)

On 07/22/2011 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML

#17123749
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42476) - you deserved it (7705)

On 07/15/2011 at 3:51pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I realized that I look sexier in my fiancée's panties than she does. FML

#17029350
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33150) - you deserved it (21678)

On 07/08/2011 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by Joe - United States

Today, my mom said we are having a party for the 4th of July. Her definition of a party is my grandma coming over. FML

#16974064
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29959) - you deserved it (3779)

On 07/04/2011 at 3:06pm - misc - by Kate - United States (Illinois)

Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to videotape his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML

#16966057
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42945) - you deserved it (6029)

On 07/03/2011 at 9:50pm - intimacy - by WasteOMoney - United States (Texas)

Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML

#16908147
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11748) - you deserved it (83953)

On 06/29/2011 at 10:55am - misc - by ashleyrae (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I walked around for hours with a post-it on my back reading "I JUST HAD SEX!" My boyfriend stuck it on me. FML

#16846296
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39909) - you deserved it (8003)

On 06/25/2011 at 4:39am - intimacy - by suxx - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as I was mowing my neighbors lawn, I found the playboy magazine he left in his yard. I found it with the mower. I spent the next hour picking up little shards of naked women for no extra pay. FML

#16693545
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32371) - you deserved it (6817)

On 06/16/2011 at 10:43am - intimacy - by - United States (Texas)

Today, I watched my boss try to stick a magnet to cardboard. FML

#16671761
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40243) - you deserved it (3703)

On 06/15/2011 at 1:46am - work - by MegaBear - United States

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

#16661334
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14526) - you deserved it (62104)

On 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm - money - by notinthebutt (woman) - United States (Minnesota)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: