itsalanis

Search for a member

Offline (18 hours ago)

itsalanis

7Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 8755
  • Number of comments : 240
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>DontClickOnMe</b> - 17 hours ago<b>FalloutScrolls</b> - the 04/11/2016 at 3:17pm<b>kokopuffs3</b> - the 04/10/2016 at 12:34am<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 9:47am<b>individual00</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 3:15pm<b>aimeeowl</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 1:19pm<b>FitFriday</b> - the 04/01/2016 at 1:19pm<b>NoBothersForMe</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 11:21am<b>Sonotsuave</b> - the 03/24/2016 at 6:12pm<b>McLake</b> - the 03/24/2016 at 11:47am<b>Lulz789</b> - the 03/24/2016 at 6:12am<b>andrmac</b> - the 03/19/2016 at 11:25pm<b>cutycat136</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 11:22am<b>powerkeep</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 3:04am<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 2:53am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 1:17am<b>sabby7</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 1:14am<b>Mons</b> - the 03/14/2016 at 8:24pm

Fucked!<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 3:47pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 6:17am<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 8:47am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 5:43am<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML

by danii / 10/03/2011 at 9:19pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, my boss went to the single-stall bathroom on our floor. The next thing I know, I'm on suspension pending review because some asshole left an upper-decker in the toilet. Since I'm the office prankster, all suspicion is now on me. I've been framed by my own colleagues. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2011 at 4:35pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Work

Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML

by Emmy / 10/02/2011 at 2:36am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom tried to diagnose my sickness with advice she'd gotten from a dog magazine. FML

by fml / 09/27/2011 at 3:25pm / United States / Health

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2011 at 2:52pm / United States / Work

Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2011 at 12:17pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the new management position I'm supposed to start in two days was delayed for a month and a half. I already quit my current job and called my boss gay. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2011 at 1:20am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I realized too late that a picture in my school Powerpoint presentation of thousands of New Zealand sheep, was actually a picture of thousands of naked men in a field. FML

by FullOfNick / 09/10/2011 at 3:11am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around my neighborhood. The ice cream truck followed me for my whole jog, mocking me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2011 at 9:36am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML

by CHStennis_4 / 09/03/2011 at 12:48am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML

by Anonymous / 08/31/2011 at 10:23am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Intimacy

Today, I visited my son at work. He's an interpreter for the government. As I watched him converse with a group of men, I was overcome with pride. Then the woman next to me said "I can't believe they're talking about that in public." They were discussing masturbation techniques. FML

by mystupidson / 08/30/2011 at 11:30pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I was on a train when we hit and killed a person. We were stalled for 4 hours. The guy sitting next to me asked what I did for a living, so I told him that I'm a vet tech. Then he showed me his infected elbow. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 10:51am / United States / Transportation

Today, I found out that I was adopted. I'm 46 years old with 11 real siblings and no one bothered to tell me until I found the documents in my dead adoptive father's house. FML

by Ariella / 08/29/2011 at 12:06am / Singapore / Miscellaneous